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Because I am an idiot, I have wrongly been labeling Most Haunted season numbers 1 less than what they were, For example I had labelled season 23 as season 22. Luckily a few years too late, I now realise we are on season 24. I blame UKTV since they call this current season as "Series 9" which just complicates things even more. Therefore as a protest I have decided to no longer give a season and episode number and instead I will just put the UK airdate instead.
So with that bombshell, let's take a look at the blurb for Series 9 (or 24) episode 2 (or 3 since the first was a double episode).
"The investigation into Eden Camp continues. The team split into lone vigils, soon regretting their decision when souls that plague this living museum want to be known."
Before we get started, I just had a quick look on the UKTV website and in episode 4 which seems to have not been filmed in winter for once, Yvette is looking quite fetching in tight jeans and an off the shoulder top! Something for the nerds to look forward to.
In case you forgot, this disclaimer is telling you the show is faked.
You NEVER see this disclaimer in front of a serious documentary, the news, or even drama shows. They put this here because the show PRETENDS to be a serious investigation, and by law TV stations are forced to reveal if a show is a spoof as it can cause distress in low IQ people who may think it is real.
We start off where we left off in this "Most Haunted kinda maybe sorta as live but not really because we edit it and do retakes but you know dumb people will believe us so who cares". The team are all splitting off, and Glen gleefully follows old Yvette into the dining hall area, and sets up the laptop.
New Yvette has finally got her own camera to play with, and is doing her best Mummy impression.
Straight away there is a strange audio edit, so not sure if that was to edit out her swearing, or to edit in some narration.
Amazingly New Yvette has already blocked me on Twitter, I don't recall ever speaking to her, so I am guessing she had to seek me out just to block me.
I still think she is better than old Yvette, and I will still put her "over" on this site, until she does something obviously fake.
New Yvette starts calling out to the spirits. As she does the smoke machine goes off, you remember that, the thing that Karl said was switched off, but then everyone pointed out it was not.
Bizarrely Glen is not with old Yvette and he has buggered off outside for a mooch on his own, perhaps looking for a bush to hide in.
Beardy sees his shadow, which must be the highlight of his day.
We skip from person to person and we are led to believe that everyone has gone off at the same time on their own. This is a lie, as repeatedly it has been shown they only use 2 or 3 cameras. So again this is proof that their claim the show is "as live" is a lie. As they would have filmed segments while other people sat about and had cups of tea.
Stuart knocks on a wall, and there is a slight knock back. Of course that could have been anyone, and someone sat the other side of the wall could have just knocked back.
We go to Karl, and he lets slip something here.
He questions why he is going somewhere on his own when everyone else has.... And he cuts himself off realising that the viewer has been told people are supposed to be on their own. Whoops.
God this episode has started slow. Not a good way to start an episode.
New Yvette is doing her best Blair Witch Project impression. She is getting her self scared over every little thing. I think she has been watching too many old episodes of Most Haunted.
New Yvette is starting to realise that filming her own face from below is making all her double chins come out. Maybe that will encourage her to film the area where there might be ghosts! I know it sounds obvious to us, but to some people it is like rocket science.
Karl is going back and forth from inside to outside, almost as if he is waiting for something to happen. Suddenly there is a noise, nothing immediately obvious that has happened. Definitely setting up something here.
As expected a case of some sort has found its way into the doorway, of course this happened OFF CAMERA, because you know ghosties, they hate doing anything that would prove they actually exist.
So with a decent sized case moving by itself, the first thing Karl does is check the CCTV cameras that this museum has that covers every area. He then contacts everyone else, collects as many cameras, smartphones anything he can, and sets up cameras to film every single part of the location he is in, and suddenly the bag moves again, and we have 4 different camera angles, the prove without a shadow of a doubt it was paranormal.
Oh wait he did nothing of the sort, he just carried on. Oh well. I guess it wasn't really a ghost that moved it.
We go back to Stuart and he is in what looks like a maze of corridors, he hears a noise, has a little run about and nothing is found.
Now with Old Yvette and she reveals that she has 3 marbles in her pocket that Glen gave he, she then swears and turns the camera around and says hello to a ghost that is not really there.
Remember the two ladies who were sat in front of the static cameras from episode 1, well they are nowhere to be seen.
Old Yvette chucks a marble on the floor, waiting for a ghost to chuck it back. Let's hope Karl doesn't come in, step on a marble and go flying, that would not at all be funny!
With New Yvette now and she is still filming her own face. Now as someone you would assume is not used to being in this situation, she has clearly been told to film herself, which is a strange thing to tell someone to do on a ghost investigation.
"Don't film the hallways love, just film your own face, as close as you can, trust me, it makes good TV"
With Glen and he is talking to the ghosts (remember he is supposed to be the resident skeptic), he then tells the ghosts not to pick on people, and clearly gives up his preferences, and New Yvette is the first one he tells the ghosts not to pick on, followed by old Yvette. He clearly has his sights on the new younger, fitter, stronger, sexier version of Yvette. He knows what he wants and he wont stop until he has it.
Glen has his K2 meter in his hand (makes a change), which is completely useless, and is waving it about. Luckily Stuart isn't nearby pressing the walkie talkie button, so it isn't going off.
Back with New Yvette and a door creaks behind her. She runs about, and even says she hopes she got it on camera, despite the fact she is filming her own face from about 3 inches away. And talking about 3 inches, we cross to Stuart who is still mooching about in the corridors of the museum.
Stuart whistles at the ghost and the ghost whistles back. And by ghost I mean Karl who is sat round the corner hiding, OFF CAMERA.
Finally beardy gets some camera time, and for some reason he has put the camera down to film himself doing something with his hands. He can hear tapping and dripping noises, perhaps it is a drip that is making the tapping? Now that is some out of the box thinking this show needs.
Half way through the episode and boy is this dull. Nothing has happened other than Karl moving a small empty case.
Something has flown over Karl's head. OFF CAMERA.
Karl is filming himself so you know something is about to happen. And a door has closed itself OFF CAMERA. A few unusual camera swings here and I suspect we just had an edit.
We get a few more small noises, but again nothing major, then there is a sustained noise, which to me sounds like dodgy plumbing.
Karl knocks the wall 4 times and hears 4 knocks back from the ghost.
Despite Karl trying to show the place is empty, Stuart could easily be hid away.
Back with Old Yvette and she has now lost her marbles, sorry I mean she is now chucking her second marble. It rolls about for a bit and nothing.
I would hope one of these marbles gets rolled back at her at some point, otherwise it is a waste of time.
Jenny and Louise (The camera girls who faked the door swing in Episode 1 are mentioned by Old Yvette, but we don't see them.)
This is one of those episodes you will find yourself quickly distracted by other things, it just not holding my attention at all.
No sign of the cat either from episode 1.
New Yvette still filming herself. For no apparent reason.
Under 10 minutes left and nothing of real note has happened, I really hope Karl has a decent stunt to end the episode with, otherwise it is a big fat dud of an episode.
Suddenly beardy gets scared when he sees Karl half naked and looking very freaky.
Karl asks the ghosts to do one last thing before he goes. He tries to build some tension, and we get a few minutes of him going back and forth between rooms, begging the ghosts to do something. They ignore him.
And we get our first look at the ladies watching the static cameras. This is the only sight of them the whole episode, and nothing of note is said.
Nothing happens where Karl is so we returns to everyone else, and Yvette announces they will do one last "Vidgual" around a table.
As Karl is walking back, he feels very patriotic and films the Union Jack fluttering in the sky.
He starts walking back and is talking about the dead soldiers who did so much for us. All very patriotic. I wont make fun of him here.
We cut to Old and New Yvette and they have clearly been doing the "Vidgual" at a table, but sodall has happened, so the episode ends.
This was a really poor episode, compared to the first part where they had some stunts set up, and a few obvious moments of fakery, this episode was a bit of a dud. Other than Karl moving a case OFF CAMERA, nothing happened.
No Watson, and even New Yvette has lost her sparkle. So I have no choice but to give the episode a very fair 0/10
Total waste of time.
Review by Jon Donnis
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By Jon Donnis
1 comment:
The materialising case:
The case is definitely absent before Karl enters the corridor. He brings it with him, and while at the bike he makes a suspiciously low pass with the camera, which allows him to stretch out his right arm and silently place the case on the floor. If you watch his movements after this, he does a lot of strange leaning over with the camera to show the other rooms instead of doing the normal thing of stepping to the left or right. Its almost as if he is being obstructed by something in the corridor and is trying not to knock it over. When he enters the bedroom there is the sound of a heavy footstep, as though he has lifted is leg high over something in his path. When he finally “discovers” the case blocking his exit, why does he refer back to the previous investigation with Stuart as proof that the case wasn’t there before, when he would have tripped over it when entering the bedroom just seconds earlier? Acting stupid is not proof of innocence!
The door slam:
Definitely a camera edit here. After the bang, the camera is spun around (no, I don't know why, either) but when the grandfather clock comes back into view it appears twice as big as it was previously. So unless Karl, mid pirouette, managed to zoom the camera in, this is simply a misaligned camera edit. Karl’s routine directly afterwards is a mess of sound edits and misdirection. The sound of crockery is clearly an isolated sound effect added in post production, which conveniently gets him into the kitchen; cue rumbling sounds. I’m wondering if Stuart is secreted beneath the sink and creating this sound by shaking the outlet pipe? He could also create the answering knocks from here by banging on the same wall face as Karl, but his enclosed position makes them seem more distant. Ignore the double doors, the space beneath the sink is undoubtably the full width to allow for easy access in case of blockages etc, so easily enough room for Stuart to squeeze in while Karl shuts the doors behind him. You’ll notice that Karl doesn't check here despite the fact that the sink is initially where he claimed the noises to be coming from.
Why are Karl and Yvette still not introducing New Yvette as their daughter?
I know it’s still early days with New Yvette, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I am beginning to miss Fred!
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