It's that time of the week you all look forward to, no it is not your colonoscopy, or your smear test (both of which you should definitely have done if needed) no it is nothing as pleasant as either of those things, it is time for Most Haunted, and mores specifically my punishment due to crimes committed in a previous life, my review/recap of Most Haunted.
Before I start you may notice on Twitter (@TheBadPsych) I often moan about the fact that people like Karl Beattie, or his little Hauntie minnions like to brag that the show is "Trending" and I go to really small lengths to prove them wrong. And show how they are confusing UK Trends with "Trends for you". People seem to think that I do not want to admit the show is Trending, or that I am lying and so on. Well you may notice that I also use the #MostHaunted hashtag, so I am literally helping them trend. If Most Haunted does trend then that means more people will see my tweet, and read my review. I benefit, if the show really does trend. So there really is no reason for me to lie. I just want people to be honest.
The ONLY legitimate place to see if a show is trending is on Twitter itself, and specifically in the "Trending in the UK" place. Anything else is not a true Trend, but instead just things people associated with you are talking about. Learn the difference people.
Talking about imbeciles, here is the blurb for this weeks show.
"The team visits Antwerp Mansion in Manchester and are soon surrounded by unexplained activity - with at least two members of the crew pushed to their limits."
Let me start off by saying what a thoroughly nice blouse Old Yvette is wearing here. Makes a change from her Arsene Wenger coat she usually wears.
This week is a rare one off episode that is not a two or three parter.
They are at Antwerp Mansion, a place that has been a nightclub, a snooker hall, and best of all a "Gentlemen's Club"
As Old Yvette starts her first piece to camera, I notice a lot of cabling around the property, in the property, on the walls and so on. So instantly you know that any K2 Meters will be completely useless.
No sign of Watson so far which is a shame, Glen has appeared and already he has decided the place is not haunted, and he would be correct.
Yvette is already hearing tapping and banging, in this large empty building. It must be ghosts and not rats, mice, cats or other more likely living creatures.
Sadly Yvette has put her Managers coat on, and asks Glen how big his expectations are for this evening, he misunderstands, and blatantly exaggerates.
The walk-around is over and the investigation begins. And the first thing we notice is that there is no New Yvette! And instead we are stuck with Fred. I guess that means I don't have to refer to Yvette as "Old" any more. How sad. I quite liked New Yvette (Mary Beattie).
They hear a noise and run to investigate. They find nothing, and you hear quietly in the background someone say "they have security cameras here"
Yvette then reveals she is not worried about the ghosts and thinks it sounds like a real person!
So I wonder if this was an unexpected noise. Most likely an animal, but maybe a naughty human who knew they were filming. Remember Antwerp Mansion is in a busy built up area.
There is then a really weird sound, and it is revealed to be a mechanical noise coming from a security camera which the owners had told them do not work. (A likely story). So you now know nothing will happen anywhere, where the security cameras are.
Yvette in her big coat while other cast members in T-Shirts and thing cotton shirts.
They are still hearing noises, but clearly they could be anything since we now know various equipment is on. And they are also in a built up area, with traffic outside, other houses and so on.
Since Fred is in this episode, I am guessing this was either filmed before he and Karl had fallen out or after they had made up.
Karl, Stuart and Glen have a competition to see how can perform the Power Stand the best. Stuart wins, but that is mainly due to him wearing Wellies, despite being in doors.
And without even realising 19 minutes out of 45 have passed, so we are already nearly half way through the episode.
They play a replay of what they claim is a child humming, but it could be anything, it could be a crew member humming, the noise of a cat, anything.
Yvette is talking to the ghosts but not a great deal is happening other than the odd footstep.
Glen and Yvette has gone down to the cellar... ALONE.
Fred and Beardy are in another part of the basement. They are hearing noises which could easily be a cat meowing.
Karl is with Stuart, in another area. As expected there is a noise as something has been thrown OFF CAMERA.
Glen is very close behind Yvette with a filthy smirk on his face.
We cut to Stuart and Karl, and there is something dodgy going on here with the filming, I can't put my finger on what, but it doesn't seem to affect anything that happens, so I assume it was just a dodgy edit to match things up.
Yvette has found some balls on the floor left by other ghost hunters, so clearly this is a location that makes money from gullible idiots who sell ghost tours to even more gullible idiots.
They hear a hum, and Glen replicates it by getting very very close to Yvette, I can not say whether his jeans were up or down at this point as it is off camera.
Glen pulls up his trousers, and checks the laptop for EVPs.
Karl and Stuart are still hearing noises and things being thrown OFF CAMERA.
Glen has checked the laptop and it hasn't picked anything of interest up. So that was a waste of time.
Ok they go to Stuart and Karl and there is a blatant bit of fuckery going on here with the sound.
Stuart saying "It's either behind us or above us" has clearly been added in post production, as it is not on the same level as the rest of the audio, then as soon as he says it something is thrown OFF CAMERA.
My guess here is that as Stuart was throwing something, either he didn't deliver his line, or it sounded poor due to the action of throwing something hard enough to break, so they got him to rerecord it after.
Karl comes up with the ridiculous theory of "Audible Stone Tape Phenomena"
There is another noise OFF CAMERA. Stuart shouts, and then Karl is strangely silent, another dodgy audio edit there.
The problem they have is that they are in a relatively small place, so as they try to fake things, throw things etc there isn't much room to do so, and you need to be careful NOT to catch it on camera, which is making all their shenanigans come off poorly.
"It was almost something in the future" - Stuart Torevill.
Yes Stuart is alluding to ghosts making noises in the future that they are hearing in the present.
Here is a photo of Yvette for all you young teenage boys reading this.
You can have that for free!
Glen asks the ghosts to thrown a coin, and then we cut to Beardy and Fred, and suddenly coins are dropped OFF CAMERA. I assume by the cameraman who I have no idea who that is.
We get a few more bangs, steps and taps and so on, but nothing of note.
And with that the episode ends.
And what a boring investigation it was.
Nothing happened on camera. We only really got a few coins dropped by the cameraman and Stuart throwing something against a wall OFF CAMERA.
No Watson, No New Yvette. Just a very lazy episode which I imagine they filmed in about 2 hours or less. Small crew too which means more cost cutting.
I cant really give this episode even 1 point, nothing happened, and very little effort was put into faking stuff. I wonder if they were a bit worried about those security cameras which were supposed to be turned off as the only time anything did happen was in the basement where there are no security cameras.
I give this episode a 0/10
Review by Jon Donnis
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By Jon Donnis
1 comment:
So Glen has researched the location thoroughly and has found no accounts of hauntings while the property was in use, but Yvette is having none of it. Instead, she is claiming all kinds of generic phenomena in her introduction, but who is witnessing all this in a derelict building? To further prove her point she points out the tapping (by foot) that has immediately commenced upon her entering the building; you know the sounds that are heard on every single Most Haunted episode. I wouldn't be surprised if Yvette hears them down her local supermarket (at least when Karl is with her). You'll notice that the footsteps immediately stop when the camera pans to Karl’s feet, who then claims that they have just walked right by him, although they can no longer be heard.
While checking for intruders upstairs, Karl makes the point that there are security cameras which would show any actual person messing around, but we are soon told by Greg that all the security cameras are turned off, so yet another blatant case of Karl trying to mislead the viewer. In fact the crew seem to be obsessed by the security cameras, they are fully informed as to their location and functionality. Why are they asking the property owners about the security cameras, anyway? Are they letting too much information slip here?
Yvette suddenly plucks out of nowhere that they are dealing with a spirit who is incredibly angry, based partly on the fact that the security camera is buzzing, because the ghosts are making it buzz! And also because she is trying to push the narrative that the original owners would have been upset to see the property in its current state of disrepair; because she has to conjure some ghosts from somewhere.
The whistle clearly sounds like it came from behind the group as they were leaving, in fact Glen and Yvette point backward towards the camera, yet Karl runs in the opposite direction, and up the stairs claiming it came from the floor above, so clear misdirection yet again. What follows is the inevitable farcical search for intruders performed to prove that the sound that Karl never heard wasn't made by the human intruder who never existed! No more proof required.
What Most Haunted don't seem to understand is that anyone with even the most rudimentary of stereo speaker systems can get a good idea of where a sound is coming from, and earphones will settle the issue.
The first call out to “throw some pennies” by Yvette. The cameraman can be heard clicking the buttons of some electrical device right before the humming sound is heard. It is like he is trying to turn up the volume.
When the first object is thrown in the cellar, why does Karl duck down and begin to lurch in front of the camera BEFORE the smash is heard? The second object thrown is clearly heard smashing behind the camera, where Karl is jumping about again, yet Stuart claims the plastic sheeting in front of the camera is moving (it isn't), suggesting the object hit it. The third object thrown, with the dodgy sound edit, sounds like a metal plate being kicked, and not glass smashing as Karl and Stuart claim. The fourth object is something smashing, from behind the camera, and once again Karl flings himself in front of the camera to definitely prove that it couldn't possibly have been him who threw it.
Second, and final, call out for coins to be thrown, this time by Glen. Suddenly coins are dropped amidst Fred’s group. What is the relevance of the coins to this location? There was no mention of the phenomena in the introduction. So it was just a random, although very specific, request, was it? That the ghosts managed to fulfil, what a coincidence that they had some coins on them! What a coincidence also that one of the coins seems to be identical, down to the exact date, as one that was thrown at the location where the doll caught fire a few series’ ago (only joking)! I wonder if Karl has a coin collection?
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