EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E04 (Fort Paull Part 1) The one where absolutely nothing at all happens.

I just cant stop! I have to watch Most Haunted, not because I want to, not because I need to, but because I HAVE to! Some many people have told me that my reviews are not only better than the show, but also means people can spend ten minutes reading my review and then not bother having to watch the show! I am literally saving peoples lives! (well about 35 minutes) and those people are able to do other things! So to them I say "You're welcome"

Anywho onto the official blurb for Episode 4

Thursday 25th June, 10pm
S2E4/10. Fort Paull Part 1
Really’s terrifying series continues as Yvette Fielding and the team travel to Fort Paull in Kingston-Upon-Hull, a historical site which dates back to before the English Civil War.

Paranormal activity has been said to wreak havoc at the fort and many visitors describe being faced with a sinister black mass emerging in the dark tunnels, that blocks them from exiting. Most frighteningly, people allege to have been grabbed by unseen hands in the darkness.

As the team split up to investigate one group heads to the train carriage where they experience something like never before, just what is making the temperature change so drastically? Meanwhile, something makes Yvette shake to her very core and causes her to let out a bloodcurdling scream!

After reading the blurb, I start watching, and in that annoying first 30 seconds of the show, I heard that Bloodcurdling scream! I can only imagine that Yvette finally gave in and agreed to give Karl felatio, and that is her reaction after seeing his withered old penis for the first time in 20 years. Hopefully we will be spared such a view.

Actual photo of Karl Beattie. Honestly!*

Anyway the show is now underway and Yvette is giving us the usual boring history lesson, and mentions Elvis Presley once sat in a train carriage she is in! Please god I hope they dont speak to Elvis!

We are introduced too Jenny Bryant a "Paranormal Investigator" (bored middle aged housewife) from GCUK, if you have never heard of GCUK and why would you, they are a silly little company that do ghost hunts and charge gullible idiotic people to sit in the dark and pretend they are Yvette Fielding etc. And yes the Most Haunted crew including Yvette often goes on their investigations. Please never waste a penny on them, they really have no clue what they are doing.

Jenny is the one on the left.... I think.

Jenny tells us of all these amazing experiences with ghosts that her and her team have had, and of course there is no video evidence or proof. Having her appear was purely as a way to give her group a free plug.

Yvette then interviews Smirking Glen Hunt, who starts off with his "Skeptical" opinion, while smirking hard, he likes to smirk, sometimes he smirks 4 or 5 times a day, he is a legendary smirker, he really does like a good long hard smirk, usually in the dark with the door locked shut. I heard a rumour he once got disturbed while smirking, and he twisted a testicle!

Having a quick smirk

Fred Batt is once again part of things, since he is paying for it all. Reckons he can feel the demonic presence of the ghosty whosties. And he is gonna summon them up later on! Lucky us!

We also have Eammon and his EVP machine, no sign of Ruth which is a shame.
Eammon has about as much credibility as Karl's claims of being a Samurai!

No sign of Leah in this episode yet, I did mention that she looked totally disinterested in Episode 3, so maybe she did the smart thing and quit while she was ahead. Such a shame as I was quite looking forward to the weekly instalment of "Coatwatch"

Such an attractive crew

The investigation is now fully underway. And not a lot happening other than people calling out to the ghosties, Stuart actually says "This could be the calm before the storm".

Half way through the show and Stuart seems to be suspiciously well behaved, I can only assume it's cause he in a team with Glen Hunt, or he is building up to a big stunt, I hope he is as so far this episode has bored me solid!

For the next 8 minutes of the episode, absolutely nothing happens, the just wander about! Really! This was the absolute best use of footage they could find! Just imagine the countless hours of crap they filmed if this was the best they could come up with.

Yvette shouts her classic line of "Can you make a noise with your voice please!" Always makes me chuckle, Imagine the ghost was just about to make a noise with his arse and drop a spirit fart, and then Yvette says that and he now has to hold it in!

35 Minutes into the episode and absolutely nothing of note has happened. Seriously, nothing at all.
Please tell me they haven't done one of those "nothing happens which proves when it does its not us faking" type episodes.

Ok to be fair, Glen has a thermometer laser thingy, and the temperature of a window is going down. Of course no control measurements have been done, they have not told us of the ambient temperatures outside, the time of year, the time of the evening and so on. Not to mention use a second machine to confirm the results of this machine, what if that machine is simply faulty! Afterall you cant see the breath of anyone in the crew. Karl is wearing a light jumper, yet this thermometer is showing the temperature has dropped about 7 degrees to 0 degrees Celcius. This kind of ineptitude and ignorance of how to conduct an investigation is what pisses so many people off.

Yvette on narration even states that every scientist knows that a drop of more than 2 degrees Celsius in a short period of time is significant, yet they don't use any scientific methology in what they do, which means any results they get, even if genuine are instantly useless!

As we get to the end of the episode, Karl and Yvette break off together and go to investigate a room, it is at this point that Yvette sees Karl's withered penis and runs off screaming whereby she hurts her knee and arm by running into something, she breaks down in tears and tells Karl to turn off the camera.

We get some brief highlights of all the things that have just been boring us, wow, this was a poor episode, and even Yvette hurting herself after seeing a horror that hopefully few ever have to see, could save this episode. And since this is a two parter, I am guessing Leah wont be in part 2 either. So that is another reason not to watch.

One of the worst episodes ever. When the highlight of an episode is Yvette hurting herself after seeing a withered unused penis, you know the show is gonna struggle in the ratings.

Really folks that's it, I am signing off now, and seriously considering my priorities in life.

By Jon Donnis


*Not really Karl Beattie

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E03 (Annison Funeral Parlour) The one where I rolled my eyes at Karl's acting

Guess who's back, back again Jonny's back, tell a friend.
Yes it's me, it's me, its that J O double N, back once again to review and recap another episode of Most Haunted. This week Scooby and the gang are at the Annison Funeral Parlour. Below is the official blurb for the episode

Thursday 18th June, 10pm
S02E03. Annison Funeral Parlour
Really’s spooky series continues, as for the first time ever, Yvette Fielding and the team visit a funeral parlour and one which is apparently the most haunted place in Hull.
The building is empty now, but not quiet according to visitors, as people have reportedly heard whistling, knocking, and heavy booted footsteps. Yvette has an idea that the team aren’t necessarily going to like… one person must lie on the mortuary slab alone to see what happens – but who will pick the short straw and have to lay lifeless without the rest of the team?


We start off the episode and straight off we get this legend!

Yes he is a local historian, he just ouzes the kind of charisma that you just cant buy! Look at that neckbeard! Imagine the lucky woman who gets to snap up this fascinating man!

Anyway as usual we get our usual history lesson, and Glen "Mike" Hunt, the resident wannabe is on hand to smirk his way through every scene, I wonder if Karl directs him to smirk, or if it is all him.
He does do his best to be skeptical the poor guy, but after him blatantly doing the "ghost whistle" in the last episode, it is hard to take him seriously.

Surely his agent told him that to appear on Most Haunted would be the first step in becoming a proper TV star, and young naive Glen believed him.

Quick reminder that the legendary Mel Crump is no longer on Most Haunted, and is replaced by Leah Walton, again we support Leah, as she is clearly the only genuine member of the whole crew, and probably didn't even want to be on the show, but got shoe horned into appearing by Yvette who was desperate to get rid of the glamourous Mel Crump and needed a replacement she could push around.

Mr Deep Pockets or Fred Batt as some will know him is about again, throwing his money about in the hope he might get recognised one day in the street.

Since they are in a funeral home, I have a feeling we will see Karl or Stuart or both shoved in a coffin for a "vidgual" oh boy that will be so much fun, you can only hope a grave digger is near by and "accidentally" gets the coffins and buries them.

And no quicker than me finishing the previous sentence, and Eammon (no not that one) is invited to lie in a coffin, and they even close the lid on him, what would Ruth think of all of this sillyness!!

Is this not entertaining?

Poor Eammon, literally will do anything to get an extra 30 seconds TV time, even if it is in a coffin, they turn the lights off and leave him in the coffin. They really need to nail it shut, and maybe then we'd never have to listen to him drone on about EVPs the uneducated ignorant fool that he is!

With a bit of standing about, they finally go to rescue Eammon from his coffin, but when they open it, he is mysteriously gone, and all that is left is a rattlesnake!! Only kidding, he is still in the coffin with a big grin on his face.

Finally the filters are put on the cameras to pretend it is night vision, and the investigation starts proper.

Karl is looking quite hefty for a fake Samurai. Glen is stuck with Karl and Stuart now, hands in his pockets and a constant smirk on his face.

Yvette is with Leah and some other bloke who looks ridiculous.

The lads are doing some kind of ridiculous table nonsense, asking for knocks from the ghosties, gotta be careful here that Karl and Stuart don't both tap their feet, to make the knocking sounds, need only one otherwise it gets confusing.

Yvette is with Eammon in the "hub", and they are examining the EVP machine. Did I mention that EVPs are evidentially worthless, and to even waste one second listening to them proves you have no idea what you are doing?

I think Leah is starting to get bored of it all now, and is dreaming of going on her summer holiday to Majorca or somewhere. In Coatwatch, Leah is sporting a nice simple coat, without fur.

It is now Ouija time! Just a note, in 12+ years of doing Ouija Boards on Most Haunted, it has never produced a single credible result, and any time that they put in cheating controls it has showed clearly that Yvette pushes the glass. So of course NO controls whatsoever are used

Aaaahhhh look at Glen and his little smirky face, wishing he could say out loud what we all know.

Yvette and Karl are so blatantly taking turns in pushing the glass, they don't even bother trying to hide it any more. Come on Glen, suggest that everyone is blindfolded, and it will stop working and you will have proven that they are faking it.

The entire Ouija scene is quite mind numbingly boring. At least when Stuart used to take part he would do some proper fakery, like picking up the glass and throwing it, and hoping it wasn't caught on camera, but when it was, he tried to make out he was possessed! Oh the good old days.

Worth saying that my DVD keeps skipping and jumping, it MUST be the ghosts! They have travelled through time and space to my DVD player! This is 100% proof of the paranormal, and therefore I am closing down the site! Oh wait its playing fine now. Site will remain open!

The 3 stooges, Yvette, Karl and Stuart are now off on there own, and something nasty is on its way! No Yvette hasn't farted again, its the spirits! Karl proudly states "I'm not psychic as you know but..." they then start talking about a murderer called Frederick. Karl decides to stand in the coffin, please lie down Karl, and please lets close the lid.

Yay! Karl is never one to miss a trick.

And now Stuart is gonna put the lid on as Karl tells Frederick to do his worse!

All starts to get a bit silly now as Karl panics and jumps out of the coffin claiming he heard a voice say "OUT". Terrible acting.

Karls fake Samurai training has totally deserted him tonight. Glen and Leah join them, and Glen is smirking.

Fred is off on his own to spend some time in the embalming  room. Karl and Stuart are off together, and ask the spirits to make some noises. They hear a knock. Whereas Fred on his own is speaking in Latin to the ghosts, who duly ignore him, right until Fred makes a noise followed by saying "what was that" when obviously HE made the noise, As usual the camera never gets anything other than the persons face who is holding it, or a blank wall.

Stuart asks the ghosts to give Karl a slap round the face, sadly and disappointingly the ghost doesn't take up the challenge.

Stuart is out of breath after having a crafty wank off camera, and has to have a puff on his inhaler. Soon after they hear a noise upstairs and rush to see what is going on. And despite there being a sold camera filming, it has caught nothing, Stuart is still knackered after his crafty wank, and now Karl is feeling knackered as well. So they head off to join the others.

But then we get some footage of a chair moving on its own! BLATANTLY being pulled by some fishing wire, seriously no one will think it is real, I genuinely coughed a bit of spit up it is so awful.

Eammon is still listening to EVPs, all very silly and pointless. I imagine noobs and woos the world over loving the EVP sillyness.

Leah has had a very very quiet episode, clearly she cant be bothered any more, either that or Yvette realised that she would probably get popular, so decided to cut out any good bits featuring Leah.

And that's it, the episode is over.

Things to look out for are the ridiculous chair pulling scene, and Karl jumping out of the coffin. Other than that its about 45 minutes of snore time.

That's all from me, and until next time sleep tight and don't let the spiders climb in your ears!

By Jon Donnis

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E02 (Tatton Old Hall) - The one where not a lot happens.

Yes I am back with another WORLD EXCLUSIVE Review and Spoilers of Most Haunted, this time we are on episode 2 of the new season at Tatton Old Hall.

Before I get started I wanted to address a few people who moan about my grammar in these pieces. This is just my site, I write as I feel, and I make no money from doing this. I have limited time to do anything these days, so instead of concentrating on the odd typo or grammatically incorrect sentence, just try and enjoy my reviews for what they are. The world is already full of pedants, don't be a twat and moan about stupid stuff. That's my job! :D

Here is the official blurb for the episode.

Thursday 11th June, 10pm
S2E2/10. Tatton Old Hall
Really’s terrifying series continues as Yvette Fielding and the team return to the Old Hall at Tatton Park in Cheshire, a location notorious for the unexplainable events that occur there.

Built in the 15th Century the house’s previous residents and visitors claim to have experienced a frightening strangling sensation or to have heard a guttural growling noise in their ears. From the ghostly tales there appear to be two eerie presences at the hall, the first is an unknown woman who has allegedly been seen on many occasions, and most alarmingly, a ghost called Tom, who has a dark reputation. Can they finally uncover the identities of these two figures?

--

As I mentioned in my review of episode 1, Mel Crump is gone, and her replacement is Leah Walton. I want to say again here at BadPsychics we support Leah and we encourage all of the BadPsychics readers to do so as well. She is the only genuine person on the show, who isn't in it for the fame and she is paid less than anyone else. So if you see anyone out there giving her grief on social media, stick up for her, remember we like to stick up for the underdog here, and no one likes a bully.

On to the episode and we start off with the usual history lessons and so on, I prefer to skip past this bit, as really doesn't interest me.

Skeptic and wannabe TV star Glen Hunt starts off talking with Yvette, and is trying to dispel Yvette's fears about the hall. Yvette has investigated Tatton Old Hall 4 times in the past, ad Glen tells her to forget everything she has done before, has that can influence her.

Glen does give some good advice to his credit, but his smirk is so annoying, that and the fact we all know he is being directed by Karl, kinda makes his whole spot on the show and utter waste of time.

Eammon Van-Harris is back with his EVP nonsense. We also have Mr Moneybags Fred Batt mooching about too.

As they are just talking, off camera right near where Karl is stood there is suddenly a noise. Instantly Glen has a look on his face of "seriously guys stop taking the piss".

Karl waits for everyone to look away and then does it again. Poor Glen he wants to be a TV star and he is forced to put up with this nonsense.

Here is a quote from Glen "It always seems to happen just as I am not looking"!

Yep there is a reason for that Glen. I wonder how long he will last on the show, as surely he gonna admit the show is faked on his radio show or something.

Yvette now starts talking to the ghosties, who reply to her questions with knocks. I wonder where Karl and Stuart are at this point? Glen still cant stop smirking, he knows what's going on, but cant really accuse anyone cause he has to protect his pay check, and that is the biggest problem with having any skeptic on the crew.

It seems apparent very quickly that things will keep being thrown off camera, usually right near where Karl is stood. Of course no video footage, nothing! This is why people hate Most Haunted so much, cause the fakery is so obvious.

No sign of Leah Walton yet and we are 16 minutes in.

Over to Eammon and his ridiculous and utterly pointless EVP machinery, and surprise surprise he already has some ghostly sounds, of course all are easily explainable by anyone with half a brain, but of course the random noises are met with amazement and so on.

We finally get the investigation started proper, green filters added to cameras to make it seem darker than it is, and we finally get the addition of Leah.

In our regular segment of "Coatwatch", Leah is sporting a much simpler coat compared to Episode 1, a lot less fur it seems.

"Sssshhh what was that"

You know I really hate it when Yvette says that.

It has also become clear that Leah has her own catchphrase of "f*ck me", it does get bleeped out though.

Poor Leah is terrified as usual. Yvette obviously loving the fact she has Leah there to wind up and make look foolish.

And we now get a ridiculous minute of Yvette and Leah running about outside in the dark, scared of the ghosties and the noises that the EVP machine makes. The only thing moving back faster than Yvette and Leah is Karls hairline! So with them running about like children, we cross to Karl with his declining hairline, and he is talking to himself in the dark.

Did you know he once pretended to be a Samurai! Yes really! Then all these Samurai experts called him a fraud and exposed him. Google it if you want a laugh, it is all quite funny. Of course this was before his Most Haunted days.

We've not seen Stuart yet strangely. I hope he does get featured at some point as not the same without him throwing stones about.

There is actually a moment here whereby Karl switches the light off on his camera when he wants to film himself, then needs to turn it off again when he films elsewhere, but claims it is the infrared is is switching on, yet clearly there are shadows, and they are really just using filters!

If you believe for one moment that it is genuinely dark, just remember we live in a health and safety industry, no one they would be allowed or get insurance to wonder about in truly dark conditions!

Wow this episode is boring, although Stuart has now appeared so hopefully he will throw out some tears again, fall over or so something interesting.

Everyone is in a room, and Yvette hears a whistle, yet on the replay I swear it looks like Glen did it, watch it if you can closely.

Then a spoon gets thrown in a hark back to the glass spoon throwing incident of the past (that was also Karl)

As usual no video of the spoon or any cutlery from start to end is shown.

So they decide to start throwing cutlery down a hall way and ask the ghosts to throw it back, when this doesn't work, back to whistling at the ghosts. Again nothing happens, so they split up to do separate investigations.

Blimey this episode is hard to watch, so tedious.

Stuart on his own in a room, and clearly throwing stuff around. Sometimes less is more Stuart you really need to learn that!

Some more sillyness with the EVP machine, usual audio pareidolia whereby someone says what they thing it sounds like, and then you feel like you can hear the same words, but even then its a real stretch. Basically they just seem to get a lot of screeching background noise, if that impresses anyone, then I really think you need your head examined.

Towards the end of the episode a chair seemingly falls, although as usual you don't see it on camera, and only Stuart is there, why wouldn't they just put say 20 stationary cameras all around the location? Instead they just carry hand held cameras and film themselves most of the time.

Surely the whole Blair Witch style of filming is a bit old now people!

Either way the episode finishes, with nothing of interest caught on camera, and a complete waste of 46 minutes of my time.

I'm off to the pub, I need a beer after that!

Worst episode in a while!

By Jon Donnis