REVIEW: Most Haunted - Guys Cliffe House Pt 1 - Airdate 08/03/2019

So close but still so far, "from what?" I hear you say, why from the end of this series of Most Haunted. So close I can almost taste it.

I am still trying to find out more about why Karl and Fred fell out, the rumour is that Fred is refusing to bankroll episodes any more (which is why they keep doing multiple episodes in one location to save money), but Fred still had a contract to appear on the show, so Karl was unable to get rid of him.

All this behind the scenes stuff is far more interesting than the show itself, only time will tell where things will end up, but if Karl Beattie can't convince UKTV to buy any more episodes, and no other station wants it, they will simply move the show online and film it at the same time as their live experience tours, or something along those lines.

I did hear there was talk that they would include fans in future episodes simply because they wouldn't need to pay them, and in fact many fans would probably pay to appear on the show themselves.

Anyway, enough with the rumours, lets get on with the blurbage.

BLURB
"Yvette takes her team to the mysterious Guys Cliffe House in Warwickshire, once a private dwelling and now home to the Fraternal Brotherhood of Freemasons."

Summer is over and it is an unwelcome return of the Premier League Managers coat for Yvette.

This week they are in Guys Cliffe House in Warwickshire. Appears to just be an old ruin other than a chapel, so I am guessing the owners want to rent it out to idiot ghost hunters.

Yvette recounts the usual ghost stories that all seem very similar regardless of where they go.

Yvette reveals that much like her own sex life, the property is derelict and abandoned, which is a shame, personally I'd knock the whole thing down and replace it with a mighty erection. The property that is, not Yvette's sex life, although.....

Glen has never been known for his fashion sense, but seriously, the absolute state of him here.

Yvette reveals that there has been lots of accounts of Poltergeist here, so I am guessing Karl will be throwing something later.

The investigation starts, and they have split into groups.

And straight away Karl is hearing noises and getting scared already. Again they use the edited in post production split screen to prove everyone is accounted for, despite the fact they only have two cameras, and scenes are not all filmed at the same time.

But why let facts get in the way of the bleeding obvious.

Glen looks tired, tired of all the chasing.

With Stuart's group again and there is a sound, something has been thrown OFF CAMERA.
A house brick has been chucked. They investigate and find no one hiding, so must be the ghosts.

Yvette is trying to get the ghosts to knock, I am sure they will a little later on.

Glen claims he has gone cold, but then beardy claims the room is roasting and the hottest he has ever been on Most Haunted. They really need to work on getting their stories to match. I think beardy misheard Glen and thought he said he was hot. Whoops.

As Karl walks about he is just kicking things to make noises and then reacting, all pretty pathetic.
He even admits at the end of his segment that he cant see anything and keeps walking into things.

Stuart and his gang are still having things thrown OFF CAMERA. The problem is they are in the ruins part of the property, so basically they are out doors, so even if you 100% believe they are not chucking things, it would be easy for someone on the wind up to be sneaking about and chucking things to wind them up.

"Dear God, I have been a good Glen, I have worked hard, kept to myself, never really caused any trouble, never said anything controversial, I don't even throw stuff OFF CAMERA while filming Most Haunted, but once, just once, can you make Yvette jump on me, maybe grab my butt, or caress my chest, just something I can put in the wank bank for later, if you do, I promise I will be good for ever, and go to Church every Sunday from now on, Amen"

Beardy, Glen and Yvette are still in the chapel, hearing noises, but nothing much really happening.
Yvette is convinced the long bench they are sitting on is shaking, of course us as a viewer have no way to relate to what they are claiming, so what could they do here? Well tell Glen to get off the bench first, then get a marble and put it on the bench, film the marble, does it move? Really simply way to show to the viewer something that the camera cant pick up.

We cross to Karl and as he conveniently looks one way while filming another direction, a door closes OFF CAMERA.

Worth noting here how grainy and dark the footage is from Karl's camera, this is what it really looks like when it is dark, unlike when they usually claim it is dark but the footage is super clear.

Karl is hearing more noises, everything OFF CAMERA.

Pretty much half way through the episode and nothing of note has happened so far.

Back with Stuart and another brick has been chucked, they actually catch it landing ON CAMERA! But sadly not from where it was thrown, which was clearly from outside the tunnel they are in.

For some reason chubby bloke has no idea the difference between a house brick and a masonry slab.

Anyway once again a real investigator would have put a camera on the far end covering the entrance, but this is Most Haunted and they are not real investigators.

Getting quite bored now.

Back with Stuart and he claims that he is not exaggerating when he says that a ghost could kill them.

Karl is trying to get the ghost to close the door, I feel like he is building up to a stunt here.

"Dead God, Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, yes yes yes yes yes, straight in the wank bank, that will last me for weeks, thank you God, I knew you were real!"

They split up the teams again as Glen claims a ghost attacked him and he now has ectoplasm all over his jeans, so he needs to clean it up.

Karl has joined with Stuart, so I can only assume something good is about to happen, probably at the end of the episode as a cliffhanger.

I wonder if Yvette has a bit of trapped wind and needed to crouch to let it out?

Glen has cleaned the ectoplasm off his jeans, and has now found a room he can look at his laptop in. He starts to record for EVPs.

Stuart starts to sing famous R. Kelly song "I Believe I Can Fly" and doing the actions with his hands, Karl quickly warns him that perhaps a R Kelly song is not the best to sing in the current climate, Karl suggests "I wish I could fly by Orville the Duck", as they don't believe Orville has had any sex slaves, raped anyone, or even run a sex cult. But then you never know.

With Yvette and they claim to be hearing knocks etc, but if you listen closely you can clearly hear the sounds of birds, and what do birds like to do? Yep you got it, tap, knock, walk about, generally make noise. EVERYTHING they have heard in this episode that wasn't obviously faked, could easily be put down to birds, And then there are squirrels, they could be picking things up, dropping them, walking about and so on. In an open environment like this, there are zero controls, so to even talk about bangs and knocks is completely pointless on an evidential level.

Stuart claims he cant see anything, not even the wall, despite the fact the camera filming him has a huge light on it, and the picture quality is crystal clear, so they are hardly in anything close to darkness. More lies exposed. Remember what I said earlier, when it is genuinely dark, the picture will go very grainy. When it is clear, there is a lot of light.

Karl asks the ghosts to copy him and whistles, suddenly there is a whistle back. They cross to Yvette and then they hear a whistle too. Probably the same ghost. Well that or they can hear Stuart and Karl whistling at each other.

Chubby bloke keeps saying he can feel cobwebs on him, well yes mate, you are in an old dilapidated building, you probably have walked through a cobweb or two, and you know how once you have walked through one, you just cant get that feeling off you, well that is what you are experiencing, nothing to do with ghosts, well unless my garage is full of ghosts, because every time I go in I get a sensation of cobwebs.

Karl and Stuart both whistle, and make sure they are both on camera at the same time. There is then a clear whistle heard, but they do not react as you would expect in fact they hardly react at all, and if you listen to the audio of the whistle carefully, it has blatantly been added in post production. Naughty naughty Karl. If it wasn't so blatant you could blame it on the birds.

Well they need a cliffhanger, since this is a two part episode, so they asks the ghosts to do something, there is a bang, and the episode ends. Spoiler it was a big pole that was stood upright earlier, and it has fallen OFF CAMERA, because these two idiots were filming themselves.

So the episode ends, and well nothing really happened did it. Some bricks were thrown from an OFF CAMERA position. There was a whistle added in post production, and some birds did what birds do.

Another really poor episode.

I will give it 1/10, the 1 is purely for Glen proving that God exists.

Review by Jon Donnis.

If you would like to show your appreciation for my work and my newly discovered pro feminism, then why not donate an Amazon Email Gift Voucher to me to show your appreciation. I do this for free and I will never try to get you to sign up to a Patreon or other monthly subscription, so the only way I get anything out of writing, or running this site is if people donate.

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By Jon Donnis

REVIEW: Most Haunted - Kelham Hall Pt 2 - Airdate 01/03/2019

It's that time of week again, where I unscrew yet another bottle of Jack Daniels, down a pack of ibuprofen and hope I can make it through an episode of grown adult humans running around an old building, while banging their feet and throwing coins about. Just consider that for a moment, imagine making a living from making this show. Imagine the sheer contempt you must hold for the viewing public.

But before we get to the terror, did you know I have an Instagram page?
Well I do, and it is awesome, and I post such epic videos as this

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by BadPsychics (@badpsychics) on Feb 28, 2019 at 9:09am PST

Seriously how can you not follow me now? Instagram.com/badpsychics/

Anyway with the blatant plug out of the way, lets start with the totally pointless blurb.

"Yvette continues with her team in a remarkable investigation of Kelham Hall, as they venture out of the cellar and investigate the upper floors."

We are back at Kelham Hall for part 2 of this investigation.
And for the life of me I cant remember a single thing that happened in part 1, luckily they need to waste a few minutes on the show, so we get a nice recap.

Karl dropped a book behind Glen.
Yvette recalled what Fred told her earlier and then typed it out on her phone.
Stuart chucked a pipe at someone, and Stuart flipped a table then carefully filmed around it to pretend it was a ghost.

We carry on where they left off, and if you remember some machinery went off and scared them all. One of the only genuine reactions you will ever see from them as it wasn't expected.

Karl then knocks an old phone off the wall.

Don't forget to play your Most Haunted Drinking Game. Especially as Fred is already chanting in Latin.

This guy is filming his arm pit, and then there is a noise and a pipe has been thrown again, so he decides to leave in the other direction to where he reveals other crew members are filming.

Glen is getting bored as nothing happening by him since he is on his own.

Back with Fred, Yvette and Karl, Karl is determined to convince people the phone he knocked off the wall OFF CAMERA, was done by a ghost. Clearly he meant to do this, but the machine going off threw off his routine.

Hint of cleavage from Fred.

New teams form.
Greg, Stuart and Fred, Karl on his own, and Yvette alone with Glen!
JACKPOT!

With Karl and he admits all the lights are on, yet keeps the camera on "nightvision"

He then hears a noise and then hilariously he goes through a door and a office chair is spinning slowly. He then looks around to prove no one is about.

His acting is really poor here, anyone could easily have just hidden and then sneaked out of the room when he went in. Most likely Stuart. Or even easier he could have put the chair on a really fast spin, left the room, filmed a bit and then came back in.

I hate to repeat myself, but a simple static camera filming the corridor would prove that Karl was the only person to enter the room and for how long etc.

With Stuart's gang now and Stuart is convinced a door that was open earlier is now locked, he eventually realises that he needs to pull not push. And idiot of the day goes to Stuart.

Greg, Stuart and Fred go upstairs and into a small room, and Fred reveals the room is cold. So a room that has been closed all day, is cold at night. Kinda makes sense, if warm air does not get into a room, it wont magically heat up. With the recent hot weather in the UK, often I would enter my house and it would feel cold, as I like to keep everything closed. Nothing ghostly.

Karl on his own and he is hearing noises, a very weird deep laughing noise is heard, he goes back to the room with the office chair, but it is not spinning this time.

To his credit he is building tension here for something to happen, and just when you think something will happen, they cut to Yvette and Glen on their own in a room with his laptop.

Glen is sat on the floor, his legs wide apart. Trying to stretch the material in his jeans, so his unfortunate bulge isn't as obvious.

The laptop is recording audio in the hope they get some EVP.

Glen hears a noise so runs across the room to investigate.
Finds nothing.

Yvette then starts to sing Ave Maria, getting some good acoustics in this room, but even they cant help her god awful voice.

Fred then decides to show us his man boob.
No context needed.

Karl is still looking for ghosts up and down the hall, in the room with the office chair.
When he leaves the room a large bin has been placed near the entrance to the room. He moves it out of the way very easily and with very little sound. He then claims that everyone is accounted for. Despite the fact I have shown time after time that they do not records everyone's segments at the same time.

They show a split screen to prove they are all accounted for, but he literally adds these split screens in post production, since this is NOT a live broadcast. So this is very dishonest.

Simply put when he went in the room, the ghost (Stuart) spun the chair and creeped out earlier,  and then later on placed the light plastic bin in place.

God this episode is boring, nearly fell asleep as Fred, Stuart and Greg examine in detail a door that moved a bit.

Now this next bit is very dodgy. Greg is on camera, and Stuart is filming, and they spend a decent amount of time just staring at the door. Fred slowly moves off camera to the right and disappears.

So watching on UKTV the time frame is 33m55s Fred walks off camera to the right. Despite them still examining the door.

Greg "wafts" his arm about to prove air pressure wont move the door.

Stuart then re-frames the shot to make sure as much of the door and Greg are in shot at once. And at 34m12s you can clearly see Greg watching Fred off camera. I wonder why?

Then perfectly on cue the door opens at 34m15s

So that is pretty much 20 seconds since Fred left the shot for no reason.

Another 8 seconds pass and then Fred re-appears from the other side of Stuart

Clearly Fred is responsible here for opening the door. There was plenty of time for him to get in position and do it, and then return.

Greg gives the game away by looking at what Fred was doing.

Now they examine the room and there is no other door, or way in.
So how do they do it?

There is a hatch in the room, but I cant see Fred having the dexterity to jump down, open it jump up and get back in position in time.

They admit that at the back of the room is a filing cabinet and beyond that is another room, but at no point do they open the filing cabinet. So potentially someone hiding in there. But I doubt it.

If it was me, I would use some fishing wire, tie it to the inside door handle, and then feed it through and past the filing cabinet through the gaps in the side or the top. Fred goes off camera and simply pulls the wire, if tied in just the right way it would pull the door enough and then undo, meaning it could be pulled past the filing cabinet and the evidence is then hidden. Fred just walks back into shot and job done.

The fact Greg is watching Fred and waiting for him to do whatever it is he is doing gives the game away for me.

Do you agree with my guess? How would you do it? Leave your opinion in the comments section.

Regardless of how they did it, I will admit it was very well done.

Back with Yvette and Glen, and Yvette is asking the ghosts to touch Glen, you just know Glen is wishing Yvette would touch him. Sexually.

Karl is still walking up and down the corridor. Surely he has set something up here.

Goes in a room, hears a bang and when he comes out a chair has been placed in the middle of the corridor. Again a simple static camera and you just got proof of the paranormal.

Instead it is just another thing that has happened OFF CAMERA.

Karl makes an exit, and they start to wrap up in each group.

Yvette talks about how large the property is, and how she wouldn't go to the toilet on her own, she then tells Glen he will have to go with her.

And with that bit of flirty banter, the episode ends.

The show did move along at a decent pace. Not a lot happened, but what did happen was fun. The door opening on its own was well done and I applaud them for putting some thought into how to fake something instead of the usual crap they churn out.

So I am happy to give then a fair 3 out of 10, one of the highest scores I have ever given them. Still complete crap and a waste of my time, but the fact I re-watched the door opening segment a few times means they made an effort.


Review by Jon Donnis.

If you would like to show your appreciation for my work and my newly discovered pro feminism, then why not donate an Amazon Email Gift Voucher to me to show your appreciation. I do this for free and I will never try to get you to sign up to a Patreon or other monthly subscription, so the only way I get anything out of writing, or running this site is if people donate.

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By Jon Donnis

REVIEW: Ghost Adventures - Gates of Hell House - US Airdate 23/02/2019

"What's this?" I hear you shout. "Why yes, it is a review of the brand new season of Ghost Adventures"

Yes it is true, Season 18 of GA started last night (23rd February) in the States, and since it has been a while since i watched the show, I thought I would give it a chance and see if anything has changed since the last time I watched and reviewed. I think the last season I did was season 14, and I managed 5 or 6 episodes, before it got so repetitive and tedious that my head exploded, and I gave up.

So they have had 4 seasons, and nearly 2 years to sort things out and become a credible paranormal investigation show, what do you think? Did they achieve that? Or is it the same old fake crap it has always been? Let us find out.

First up, we need to look at that "Synopsis" (Must be said in an American accent)

"The crew are in Las Vegas, NV, to investigate intense paranormal activity at The Freakling Bros. Trilogy of Terror, an infamous haunted attraction where employees have reported brushes with a terrifying shadow figure ..."

Whereas Most Haunted start their show by admitting it is faked, Ghost Adventures start their show off by telling you that it might scare you. Very interesting tactic.

GA airs on The Travel Channel in the USA, a channel that shows such great TV series like Baggage Battles, Chowdown Countdown and Bite Me with Dr. Mike.

This is clearly a very high brow channel, that only airs the most serious of programming.

Now keep in mind I have no idea who any of the characters are other than Zak.

"We have spent years building our credibility, our reputation" - Zak

Sorry to say Zak you have pretty much failed on that.

So according to the intro package there are 4 people, Zak "Don't call me Bilbo" Bagans, Aaron "Goonies" Goodwin, Billy "Tesco" Tolley and Jay "Wasssup" Wasley.

4 middle aged white guys. Between the 4 of them I heard that they have had sex a combined 3 times in their lives. That's pretty good for ghost hunters.

Why is Zak wearing glasses that don't look to have any lenses? Is this a Yank thing?

Ok so this week they are at a place called The Freakling Bros. Trilogy of Terror, and from what I can understand, this is a fake Haunted Attraction thing. Created in 1976.

So GA are investigating a 43 year old theme park style haunted house. Now come on, this is taking the piss. They have clearly been paid to do a show at a FAKE haunted house attraction, and then claim it is really haunted, in the hope it makes more people visit this place. I remind you of Zak's earlier quote.

"We have spent years building our credibility, our reputation" - Zak

Straight away Zak has put on his ridiculous breathing mask, I remember this from before, he has Asthma or something and instead of using an inhaler like normal people, he wears a ridiculous mask so that he can pretend to be Bane. Lets not give him anymore attention that he clearly desperately craves for his ridiculous mask.

Well things have picked up quickly, we get an interview with the scary Staysha Randall. A former performer at The Freakling Bros.

Not even gonna comment on this.

They leave the area, but Staysha had to go back to get her purse, and when she comes back she claims to have seen a ghostly hand. Of course none of this is on camera.

The team quickly start investigating and put on the thoroughly debunked and completely pointless Spirit Box.

The box says "Trinity", which is quickly related to the Unholy Trinity, 666 and all that nonsense.

We are getting lots of people claiming to be touched, and in pain. Zak is feeling negative energy in his spine.

It is really hard to follow what is going on as the camera darts back and forth so quick, and the ridiculous Spirit Box makes such a racket. I am not sure how any of this equates to "investigating".

They move to another area and now they are interviewing another former performer from The Freakling Bros. This guy literally only worked there one night and then quit, after he was scratched by a ghost.

Every time Zak speaks while wearing his dumb mask, I cant help but laugh, I know it is supposed to add to the atmosphere, but it really just looks and sounds silly.

Some of the other guys have put the Spirit Box on, when suddenly everything goes a bit crazy, and I see a ghost, on screen, which in turn scares them, cue running, screaming and general panic. Now I have paused the show, and without knowing what they are about to show or say, I am 100% sure this is one of the gimmicks in the location that has activated, and that is what has scared them.

And as expected, they had activated a witch gimmick, but they are claiming that the motion sensor in the fake witch had been removed and she is not supposed to go off.

I repeat Zak's quote.
"We have spent years building our credibility, our reputation"

In a matter of 11 minutes, if I was to believe that quote, then their credibility and reputation is in tatters.

So they are investigating a haunted house, and one of the displays has scared them, and they are trying to claim that a ghost is what activated the display.

Too many face palms already for me.

We are introduced to John Shaw, a Satanist. I like this guy, he looks like fun.

He talks about the Satanist symbols, and so on. All relatively interesting.

Some excellent beard-scaping from this guy.

As I watch this, it becomes clear that this is not a paranormal investigation, not in the same way that Most Haunted pretends to be a paranormal investigation, if you know what I mean. This is purely presented as an entertainment based TV show that happens to have paranormal investigating as the theme.

On Aarons phone, Siri suddenly says "Did you accidentally summon me?"

Yes really. The ghost has taken over Aaron's phone. Well only for one message.

Also interesting to note that so far the whole show has been filmed and presented in normal vision, no night vision or green filters.

The cast have now started hearing noises, but the fact they are in a haunted house, with power to the gimmicks still on, means that 100% of what happens can easily be dismissed due to the lack of controls.

And before you know it they have switched night vision on.

Zak is talking about feeling a pain, it was OFF CAMERA, but another camera picked up the audio of him screaming. So if we take him at his word (a big mistake), the first thought I would have is he had a muscle spasm, which can bloody hurt.

Worth saying that these Haunted House Attractions can be quiet scary if they are well made, and imagine investigating one when it is closed, even the most hardened of skeptics would feel their heart pumping fast. Not because there are any real ghosts, but because you know these places are full of jump scare gimmicks, and the anxiety of one of these going off even by accident would get you going.

Aaron has gone off to investigate on his own, and is starting to panic a bit as he is in the area where the animatronic witch gimmick went off earlier. It is really scary looking to be fair.

I am widely regarded as the toughest skeptic on the planet, but even the great JD would wet himself if that thing went off without warning.

Aaron walks right up the the witch, and walks past the gimmick, and disappointingly it doesn't go off.

Bizarrely Zak has turned into a 3 year old, and is making a silly voice and pulling faces, and pretending to be a fan of the show who is moaning because he sent Aaron in on his own and Zak didn't go with him.

Just over half the episode gone now, and I am getting a bit bored.

Regardless of what you think of the show, it is hard to deny that this is one really well made Haunted House. Looks scary as hell, so purely as a PR stunt by the owners, this must be working and they will get more tourists coming to visit.

More Spirit Box nonsense, and now the ghost is speaking in Spanish, and then English

They pull out a new thermo cam thingy that one of the guys has made. Looks pretty cool to be fair.
One thing you can always say about Ghost Adventures, is that they do spend some money on nice gimmicks and expensive cameras. No expense spared.

One episode of Ghost Adventures costs more than an entire season of Most Haunted to make. This is why Ghost Adventures has totally replaced Most Haunted as the Worlds number one fake ghost hunting show.

I have to admit I prefer Most Haunted purely because I am not a fan of shows that are overly produced, which Ghost Adventures is. And the really amateur attempts of fakery on Most Haunted are more amusing.

Whatever you think of the show, this is an epic shot as they walk towards "The Gates of Hell".

Zak has pulled out his Xbox Kinect nonsense, so again another piece of 100% debunked technology they are using to find stick figures, or shapes. Total waste of time. At least the Thermo cam looks cool.

As expected they get a stick figure, again no point even talking about this as the technology is 100% understood, and this is 100% not a ghost.

They check the digital recorder, for EVPs nothing of interest.

They check the "X Camera" which was left in the previous location and it picks up a noise, again because it is a gimmicked haunted house, and noises can be put down to being the machinery etc.

During this episode I have not seen any obviously faked activity, so I wouldn't say the show is faked in the same way that Most Haunted is, but the show is faked due to their flawed investigation methods and the way they present that "evidence" as something it is clearly not. I would be surprised to accept that the crew are not aware of the truth, so I assume they just play along as they know it makes better TV if they use spirit boxes and Kinect sensors and so on.

A gate suddenly slams behind them. OFF CAMERA. And when they investigate they catch an orb go through the gate, and by orb I mean an insect.

More nonsense from the spirit box.

Suddenly Zak is communicating with the ghosts and claiming they are trying to possess him. Did Zak always do this or is this a new thing? All a bit silly.

We get some quick replays of various nonsense that happened throughout the episode and with that the show ends.

The show does tick along at a decent rate, and it is entertaining to watch. As a paranormal investigation it is completely pointless as it does not present any credible evidence whatsoever.

They are also not deliberately faking things, but they are presenting fake results as if they are credible.

I don't think I will bother reviewing any more, as this is no different to what they were doing 2 years ago, it is a set formula, and it bores me.

I give the episode 4 out of 10, I suspect if I watched this show week in and week out that score would be lower. It only gets a 4 as I am coming to the show as a new viewer. But it did not offer me enough to keep me as a viewer.

Review by Jon Donnis.

If you would like to show your appreciation for my work and my newly discovered pro feminism, then why not donate an Amazon Email Gift Voucher to me to show your appreciation. I do this for free and I will never try to get you to sign up to a Patreon or other monthly subscription, so the only way I get anything out of writing, or running this site is if people donate.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Amazon-E-mail-Amazon-co-uk-Gift-Voucher/dp/B006AUF6X0/

Just click the link above, and you can donate anything from £1 to £1 Million!

Just send any voucher to webmaster@badpsychics.co.uk

This is the best way to show your appreciation for the work I do. So if you enjoy the site, then how about donating me a voucher, and I promise I will only spend it on good stuff like video games or whiskey! And if not that's ok. I will keep doing my reviews regardless.

After your donate feel free to drop me an email and I will say thanks.

Please leave your comments below.

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You can also join the Forum and share your thoughts there.

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By Jon Donnis

REVIEW: Most Haunted - Kelham Hall Pt 1 - Airdate 22/02/2019

Another Friday and another episode of Most Haunted.

Having just finished my analysis of a Pet Psychic, I thought I would keep the computer on and get my review of Most Haunted done and dusted. Damn my shoulders and neck are aching. Too much writing for one day me thinks. Apologies if this article is not up to my usual incredibly high standards.

Anyway did someone just say BLURB?

"Yvette Fielding and her team visit Kelham Hall in Nottinghamshire. From the start, activity is prevalent in this historical building, and Glen is faced with something unexplained."

Well I changed my ad blocker in the hope it would stop UKTV from forcing ads down my throat but unfortunately it has not worked.

If anyone knows a Chrome Extension that 100% blocks the ads on UKTV please let me know on my twitter account @TheBadPsych

The late Kim Jong-il of North Korea just contacted me through a fake psychic, he told me to tell Yvette he wants his "look" back.

I do wonder sometimes if Yvette has any mirrors in her house?

It looks like this episode was filmed in the middle of summer, so expect plenty of shots of Fred in an unbuttoned shirt.

I have never visited Kelham Hall, but it does look like an incredible building.

Thought I would check Trip Advisor with regards to Kelham Hall, and blimey there are so many unhappy people there. No wonder they are selling their soul to Most Haunted, they need any publicity they can get. Plus they want the "ghost hunter money"

As Yvette walks into the building she starts talking about the Gulags she wants to set up, since now she is an East Asian dictator she needs to get the ball running on her post Most Haunted career.

Oh come on Yvette, you are talking the piss now! You are even doing "evil hand" gestures.

Yvette has finished her intro into the benefits of Communism, and Glen arrives. With a smirk on his face of course.

(Don't forget to play your Most Haunted Drinking Game Card)

Resident Skeptic Glen is already recounting a door slamming shut. Of course OFF CAMERA.

Worth noting this is another cost saving two parter, did you know the entire series of 10 episodes was filmed on just 5 nights.

Glen has already pulled out his number 1 "on the pull" pose.
Notice the jumper he is wearing, no t-shirt underneath, just his naked flesh against the material.

Glen has revealed that Kelham Hall has no record of any murders or killings. So that should mean no ghosts right?

One finger in his pocket and BOOM, the pose has worked, and Yvette tightly grips Glen forearm, his girth throbbing in her hand.

The walk round is complete and they have wasted 10 minutes.

Did I not call it? Damn I am on form today! Fred in an unbuttoned shirt!

No idea why they have night vision on, since it is clearly lit up where they are, and even Karl admits there is lighting still on which is causing shadows.

And before you know it they are hearing banging, taps etc.

Oh god I hope it is not another episode full of pointless taps and knocks.

I may have to further entertain myself if this is the case.

Yvette decides to start walking towards the cameras and asking the ghosts to copy her. Of course the ghosts refuse as that would be way too easy.

Suddenly Yvette has sat down as she feels sick, then suddenly a book is thrown and lands right near Glen, do I need to say that this happened OFF CAMERA?

I wonder who possibly could have thrown the book. It wasn't Glen since his arms are folded. But there is no one else near, definitely a ghost. It has to be, what other possible explanation could there be?

Karl then does a pathetic attempt to investigate, by examining a nearby book case.

Anyone who thinks this was paranormal is an idiot.

Because ghosts understand smartphones, they are now communicating to Yvette by tapping when she has her finger over the right letter. Didn't they do this nonsense a few episodes ago and exposed themselves as frauds as they got the information from an incorrect newspaper clipping?

They get the name Johnathan Collebrough, which Fred instantly confirms is correct.
Here we go again.

They get 1771 as well.
Then Fred pulls out his research.

Which amazingly matches what the ghost told Yvette. Although the Johnathan, should be John or Johno by the looks of it. Do you think this is proof? I don't. I just see it as Yvette knowing before hand what she had to type out.

Again easy way to prove this was real would be to ask the ghost to tap directly on the screen!

Karl asks Fred if he has shown that info to anyone, and he denies it, because to admit it would be ridiculous.

Yvette sees a shadow and quickly starts running towards it. Remember earlier Karl admitted there was a lot of lights on that were creating shadows.

Fred starts speaking in Latin, nothing happens. But if you are playing the drinking game, you know what you need to do.

Yvette decides that everyone needs to split up.

Remember they only have two cameras with them, yet the groups split into 4 or 5. So clearly things are not being filmed at the same time as they would have you believe.

Yvette, Karl and Fred are in what looks like a cellar area, a lot of pipes and machinery around, so instantly any sounds can be put down to them. Hilariously it sounds like Karl farts, but he blames it on a door closing. Not sure you can class this as a "stench" if you are playing the drinking game. But give the fart chance to waft and we might get lucky.

For some reason chubby bloke whose name I never remember, is talking like an estate agent and describing the rooms and walking around. No idea who thought this would make interesting viewing. I doubt any viewer of Most Haunted could afford such a location.

He finally finishes and then remembers he is supposed to be filming a paranormal investigation and starts calling out to the ghosties.

We cut to Stuart and he is not messing about, talking directly to the ghosties.

Now with Glen and he is in a small room all on his own, he has his laptop open and ready. He closes the door, unzips his trousers, whips his member out and starts furiously knocking one out, and by that I mean he presses play on the record button.

Back with Fred, Yvette and Karl and perfectly on cue there is a bang OFF CAMERA, and then another bang, OFF CAMERA.

Fred is talking Latin again, so drink up people!

Fred claims he can see a mist. By the time the camera turns around and they investigate, it has gone.

Back and forth Karl goes, trying to catch the ghost on camera, but alas the ghost is crafty and stays hidden.

More Latin from Fred. And another shot to be taken.

I hope those buttons are sewed on well on Fred's shirt, the last thing we need is a button flying off and hitting Yvette in her eye.

Nearly 30 minutes into the episode with 15 minutes left. To be fair the episode has chugged along at a decent rate for once. Perhaps more due to me entertaining myself as opposed to anything happening on screen. Plus I am playing the drinking game and feeling quite tipsy.

No coins this week, I am guessing Karl left them at home.

With this bloke again, and suddenly there is a noise and something has been thrown OFF CAMERA. Now I don't think he threw it as his reaction really seemed quite real, as opposed to the usual acting from Karl. Now supposedly he is alone, but as I pointed out earlier, they only have 2 cameras, and are filming in blocks as opposed to all at once, so this could literally be Karl or Stuart down a corridor throwing something.

A big steel pipe was what was thrown.

He asks the ghosts to throw something else or move something. Nothing happens.

Suddenly another bang and another pipe has been chucked OFF CAMERA.

After the bang there is a few blurry moments on the camera as he moves it quickly about, if there is an edit, here is the most obvious bit, I am guessing the raw footage showed Karl or Stuart sneaking about, so it was simply cut and edited. Also the audio is clearly risen at the point of both bangs to make it seem louder to the viewer.

Looks like Stuart has been playing the Most Haunted drinking game too.

As Stuart investigates, there is a bang, and something has been thrown OFF CAMERA. But we dont see what. So could have just been Stuart kicking something. Suddenly a big noise. And a table has been flipped OFF CAMERA.

Ok I didn't see any obvious camera edits, so I decided to re-watch all the footage of this segment, from when they cut to Stuart, and at no point did they show the table standing.

So I am assuming the table was put on it's side before Stuart started filming, and then all he needed to do was act as if he heard the noise (which was added in post production) and react to it.

That would be the easiest way to do it.

Before you know it there is another bang and something has happened OFF CAMERA. And with that Stuart's segment ends, and we cross to Glen who is now clearing up his mess with wet wipes.

With Yvette and she is humming and making noises. That counts on the drinking game as someone humming a tune.

It still gets to me every time Karl says "hello" to the ghosts, it is just how you would answer a phone, and there is no one on the other end.

Stuart is acting all breathless and scared, as he further examines the area and then decides to leave the area and pleads with the ghosts to leave him alone as he leaves.

Karl farts again but he claims its the door again. No stench though.

Yvette is banging on a wall, nothing happens.

To really push the lie, Karl claims that the great thing is, everyone is accounted for. And that they are all in dead end places. The inference being that it must be the ghosts making the noises and chucking things and not any of the crew members. I think I have already proven this to be a lie.

Fred starts to speak in Latin, there is a noise, Yvette screams, and then the episode pauses with this as the cliffhanger. How lucky it happened right at the point where the episode would end. Almost as if it was fixed.

Guess we will have to wait until next week to find out what the noise is. (Spoiler. It was a bit of machinery, a cooling system or something that came on. Nothing ghostly)

We get a quick preview of next weeks episode and roll the credits.

The episode did seem to roll along at a decent pace, but still nothing very impressive happened. I will give the show a 2/10 though, mainly due to Yvette Fielding deciding to become a Communist dictator.

Review by Jon Donnis.

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