TV REVIEW Most Haunted Episode 4/10 (The Galleries Of Justice)

"There's Something Nasty Here, That's The Sickest Smell I've Ever Smelled in my Whole Life"

With that opening line from Yvette and I believe Kim Crump (Superstar Mel Crump's sister), we have a perfect definition of everything that is Most Haunted!

Before I carry on with my spoilers and review of Episode 4, can I just thank everyone for your kind comments regarding my reviews, and your understanding of the pain I go through to sit and do this for you.

Anyway on to the show, we start off with a history lesson as Yvette enters the court room and sits herself down on the Judges chair.

Yvette tells us of...
"Lots of moans, Groans, and whines of desperation"
and that's just the Most Haunted crew having to listen to Yvette blather on!

Yvette catches up with Fred and reveals that she is used to finding him lurking in dark corners, Mr Excitement then describes what happens, as a brush handle drops down from the ceiling area, of course at no point do they point the camera up, or around the area to see where it came from, and strangely the thing is quickly ignored and they carry on! I am guessing they were not happy with Stuart throwing stuff so early on.

Firstly let me announce that Mel Crump is NOT in this episode, I hope she hasn't done a runner already, although it is announced that her sister Kim is gonna take her place. I hope that isn't the same Kim Crump that is a spiritual healer? Hmmmmm. Although regardless of that much like her sister Mel, Kim is also a bit of a hotty!

Anyway the investigation starts, Yvette genuinely says the following
"Can you make a noise with your voice please"

Well before she said that I am sure the ghost was just going to fart or click their fingers, but now she said that they know.

Anyway we get a bit more of Kim, which is a huge relief since Mel Crump is not on the show, Hey UKTV if you reading this (and I know you are) how about you commission a show for REALLY called "Mel & Kim Investigate" damn I would watch that! It could just be them wandering about doing well whatever they want!

Anyway back to the nonsense, and they can hear some knocking, sounds a bit like Karl tapping his shoe to me, its all very predictable, at this point Kim has to cover her mouth cause she is laughing so hard at the silliness, Yvette tries to cover it up by claiming its cause she is nervous!

After hearing a bang "right next to her" Yvette puts her old acting training into good use as she screams and runs away.

Yvette declares that in all her time doing Most Haunted she has never had anything like that happen to her before, and be so close. She states that someone is following them, strangely not seen Stuart yet!

They head down into the cellars, and another bang, Yvette screams, and now we see Stuart for the first time, as usual nothing is caught on camera, we have a lot of people down there, and Stuart and Karl are often behind the cameras and off screen whenever anything happens! We know as a proven fact that Karl and Stuart have faked things before, so how can anyone ever trust them to be honest.

Here is a picture of Karl for no reason at all!

Karl describes how the bang must have come from someone behind him and Stuart but that there was no one there!! Quick call the Nobel committee and get the Prize ready for Karl!

Kim is getting a surprising amount of air time in this episode, way more than Mel got! Methinks that something suspicious is going on here!

Has Mel been replaced by her sister? Was Yvette really that jealous of Mel Crump's popularity? Only time will tell! Although neither Kim nor Mel have yet claimed to have had their bum felt like Cath Howe used to have done to her regularly! Of course there is no possible way that was Karl or Stuart and must have been the ghosts!

Kim reveals that she is an 8 out of 10 on a scale of scared-ness. That's pretty high!

Karl and Stuart go off to investigate the wash house, at this point, where as the girls (and Chris) go to investigate the cells.

Stuart reveals he is out of breath and knackered, not sure the point of that, but he feels the need to tell us that, must be the ghosts, of course as soon as they down there things are getting thrown, ALWAYS off camera, this time it is a candle! makes a change from pine cones and rolls of tape.

More things being thrown and bangs and so on, as Karl, Stuart and Fred "investigate" and remember that Brush from earlier, it magically gets thrown near them! All off camera.

Kim is doing a great job on the team, and looking great doing it, Cameraman Chris keeps making noises, but at least he admits he is doing it every time, I don't think he is in on the gimmicks to be fair.

In a Most Haunted first it appears that Fred throws a cheese grater at Karl! It is not clear, and might get edited out of the final airing, but looks to me like Fred had the grater hidden in his sleeve, and when he turns round he very carefully throws it, I might be wrong on this one, and I would rather see on a 50" HD TV, but looked very suspicious to me and happens so quick its hard to tell.

Next up a bottle is thrown, a gate is slammed shut, and another candle is thrown, it is pretty blatant Karl, Stuart and Fred are behind most of this, I can imagine a certain section of viewers watching this at home thinking it's all real.

If you like high jinx then this is the best episode of the series yet.

Quick update of Kim, and she is looking scared. I hope when Mel Crump watches this she doesn't get too jealous of all the attention her sister has had.

Karl says loudly to the ghosts
"Can't you do it so we can see you do it?"

And he actually says that with a straight face too!

Stuart then says
"We mean you no disrespect"

to which Karl follows up with
"Yeah, but go fuck yourselves"

It's that kind of lovely language that really attracts the kids to this show!

The battery on Yvette's camera has run out despite being fully charged! Of course cant possibly be a rubbish battery, and instead must be the spirits draining the energy!

The investigation continues and Fred's favourite toy the cheese grater gets thrown again!

It is at this point that Yvette drops the smelliest most disgusting fart in the history of the show, at first she claims she cant smell it but then admits it. With Yvette and Kim now dry heaving, and trying not to physically vomit, Kim reveals it smells like rotting flesh, poor Karl having to live with Yvette if she does farts like that, no wonder he employs Kim and Mel as eye candy on the show!

If you remember the old Most Farted videos from years ago, I am sure someone could have a lot of fun with this footage and add in some great sound effects!

Yvette is now holding her nose and claiming the smell is too strong, almost like she is over egging it now! Everyone knows its you Yvette! Poor Kim!

At this point in the episode Kim is genuinely quite distressed, the ghosts don't bother her but Yvette's stinking arse has almost killed her!

They then enter a lift and of course the smell follows them! We get a bit of lift nonsense, as Kim declares she wants to get out, and the lift is now apparently stuck between floors. Yvette seems to enjoy forcing Chris, Karl and Kim to stay in the lift and breathe in her disgusting farts. She really needs to see a doctor.

I wonder if Yvette blames the ghosts for when she farts at home, or in the supermarket? The whole farting thing goes on a bit long to be honest, I am guessing they ran out of use-able footage so had to revert to this nonsense. I'm serious they have this whole smelly fart rubbish go on for a good 8 minutes of the episode.

Kim does not look at all impressed, and I think she's realising what she has gotten herself into.

After they finally get out Yvette proudly states
"That was impressive stuff, who could've imagined that"

In a voice over Yvette then declares that the events in the lift are some of the best evidence she has ever encountered. Yep a dirty fart in a stuck lift is the best evidence Most Haunted has ever given of the paranormal!

We finish off with Mr Personality Dr John Callow reading off a teleprompter, I am sure he said something vaguely interesting but I fell asleep listening to him.

And that's the end of the episode and an hour of my life I will never get back.

So what did we learn from this episode of Most Haunted, we learnt that Mel Crump has an equally fit sister called Kim Crump, and that Yvette Fielding has rancid farts. Well done UKTV and Really for paying for this! Now if we could just cut out all the Yvette and Karl nonsense and just have Mel and Kim Crump we might just have a show on our hands!

By Jon Donnis



Most Haunted
UK Premiere – Series Continues
Thursday 11th September, 10pm
S1 E4/10 The Galleries of Justice - Nottingham

The legendary ghost hunters continue in Nottingham and a place where people could be jailed, sentenced and executed without even leaving the building, no wonder it is said to be one of the most haunted places in Great Britain. The team are tested as a supposedly mysterious poltergeist takes a dislike to Karl and Stuart, while Yvette is followed by a foul smelling spirit and experiences her most compelling evidence yet.

TV REVIEW: Most Haunted - Episode 3/10. Newton House Part 2

Before I begin, if you haven't already you can review my World Exclusive reviews of Episode 1 here and Episode 2 here.

Right then onto Episode 3, this is the second part to the Newton House episode.

We start off as they mean to go on, with silliness around the Ouija Board, again quick reminder that Ouija was invented by businessman Elijah Bond, and had nothing to do with the occult until the first World War, and that Hasbro own the rights to it these days!

Welsh heavy metal band, Bullet For My Valentine are joining in again with the festivities, I really feel for these poor guys that the only PR gig he could get them was as guests on Most Haunted! I've listened to their music and its pretty good, so a real shame they have to sit through such nonsense, including watching Yvette push a glass round a table!

As I watch the pathetic attempt at Ouija manipulation, you'd think someone, anyone would come up with a simple protocol to prove its a load of rubbish, for a start blind fold them, I actually think they did that on a Live show once and of course they got no words spelled at all!

The lack of a proper Skeptic on the show is quite sad, but we all know that Ciaran was just a paid actor playing the role of Parapsychologist on the show and was directed by Karl Beattie, so even if they did have a proper skeptic, he would just do what he was told regardless. Also I don't count Dr John Callow, mainly due to the fact he is just reading from a prompt at the end of the show!

Towards the end of the Ouija board nonsense, with Yvette whistling and so on, suddenly out of nowhere (when I say nowhere I mean from Karl Beattie), a metal cup flies past Stuart, and amazingly it was not caught on camera!

The lack of any Crump 10 minutes into the episode is sad, they have a true star in Melanie Crump, but her popularity will surely send her to the job centre, as we all know that Yvette hates anyone more popular than her!

And if like me you think The Crump is the only reason to watch this new series of Most Haunted well you can like a fan page for her on Facebook here.

Interesting moment while Karl and cameraman Chris are off investigating a room, whereby Super Samurai warrior Karl is hiding behind Chris cause he is so scared! Oh hang on a moment that whole "Karl is a Samurai" thing was all debunked and proven to be utter and complete lies! lol. I almost forgot about that!

I wonder if Chris could be the new Stuart! Nah that will never happen! There is only one "Unknown Stuntman" in Most Haunted, and in case you forgot here is our world famous compilation video of Stuart


Anyway back to Most Haunted and Karl and Chris are begging for the ghosts to rock a rocking chair, as expected nothing happens, so they try to get the ghosties to make contact through a disconnected radio, and of course sodall happens.

Back to Yvette and the rest of the crew and Yvette is begging to be slapped! Yes literally begging to be slapped by the ghosties! Damn at that moment I wished that ghosts really did exist! But alas Yvette didn't get slapped.

Fred Batt is probably the biggest disappointment to the new series, he really doesn't add anything at all. Not from a historical interest position or from the position of "demonologist" They really need to get a proper medium on the show, as at least that will give me something to expose.

It did occur to me that during this and the last episode, pretty much all of the noises could easily have been made by rats which there undoubtedly is at Newton House.

Lets just put into perspective what it is I am watching.
Grown adults standing about in a low lit room, calling out and speaking to ghosts that do not exist. This truly is ridiculous.

Much like the previous episodes a lot of noises are picked up in the editing room after, funny that! Almost as if they have been added post-production!

Here is a quick screen grab of Mel Crump looking scared!

No reason for that, other than need to get The Crump some more publicity! She is surely the only person in the crew not in on the scam, she genuinely seems concerned in some parts!

Stuart has been suspiciously quiet in this episode, other than having a metal cup thrown past him, he hasn't done anything. I am guessing since he pretended to faint that he may have fulfilled his contracted fakery for the day!

Yvette starts doing a weird chant (some ancient Hebrew prayer chant), at which point one of the Bullet For My Valentine boys is mimicking her from behind, really funny moment, they are obviously getting a bit fed up now and are just entertaining themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if they start throwing things about.

In what must be a first for Most Haunted while Fred and Karl are investigating a corridor, when Fred is looking through a hole in a door, a pine cone is suddenly "thrown" obviously by Karl when the camera is facing away. They pick it up and put it where Karl blatantly picked it up from and ask for it to be moved again, and of course nothing happens! But I must say first Pine Cone on Most Haunted!

Newton House does look to be a great old building, lots of corridors and rooms, literally a ghost hunters wet dream!

After some stones are dropped, Yvette declares that it was definitely poltergeist activity! Well done Yvette for remaining impartial!

One of the more amusing parts of the show is where one of the Bullet For My Valentine boys decides he is picking things up from the other side! He even manages to keep a straight face when describing that these things just come to him!

As we get towards the end of the episode, we have something else thrown just as Karl turns the camera away, this time a candle stick, the problem with Karl obviously throwing these things, is that his reactions really give it away. Karl and Fred do not make a good tag team, Karl really needs Stuart, but alas Stuart is off hiding somewhere it seems and the show really suffers without the ham acting of Stuart to liven things up.

Out of the first 3 episodes the second one is easily the most entertaining, the first episode is boring, and the third one is just a bit silly in parts. Of course the wannabe ghost hunters out there will lap it up, the Yvette fans will claim it is all real, and the rest of us will just roll our eyes and remember back to the days of Derek Acorah.

The episode finishes off with what they claim is the most compelling evidence yet of paranormal activity! which is basically a locked off camera filming an old wheelchair apparently moving on its own, to me the way the chair moves kinda looks like its being pulled with some fishing wire, it just doesn't move naturally whatsoever.

As usual Dr John Callow speaks sense at the end, but stays away from accusing any of the crew members from faking, and he doesn't even mention the wheel chair moving, I wonder if any comments about that were edited out for obvious reasons.

Either way it is the same old nonsense, just without a medium.

Woo folk will love it, skeptics will roll their eyes, and the rest wont give a toss.

Poor episode and nowhere near as entertaining as the second episode.


Most Haunted
UK Premiere - Series Continues
Thursday 4th September, 10pm
3/10. Newton House Part 2
The brand new series of Most Haunted continues exclusively on Really with another spooky investigation from Yvette Fielding and the team.

This week the Most Haunted team carry on their exploration of Newton House in South Wales.
Newton House’s main structure was built in 1660 and many believe it was built on cursed ground and the lost souls that wander the halls have been there since before the main house was built. Each room and corridor is supposedly inhabited by different spirits; haggard old women, crazed murderers and the ghosts of children are just a few of the ‘poltergeists’ that are believed to be living within the building and they are seemingly all ready to play with and scare Yvette, the crew and her very special guests, heavy metal band, Bullet For My Valentine.

Certain rooms in the house seem to have a very high energy and the team are faced with nausea, flying objects and even verbal threats they believe has come from some of the ghosts. One movement caught on a fixed camera even means the whole team’s beliefs could be altered forever. With alleged spirits and souls galore Newton House is sure to be one of the team’s toughest challenges yet but with all the danger it begs the question – will they all make it out alive?

EXCLUSIVE: Footage of Most Haunted Crew Getting up to no good a few years ago

A few years ago when I was leaking off air footage from the Most Haunted Lives, I came across this rather interesting piece of footage.

This is what goes on off air, just a bit of fooling about, not criticising them, just think its a nice piece of unseen footage.

And yes that Thermo Imaging cam cost about £25,000!

Enjoy

Most Haunted Parody - Scariest Places: Kelvedon Hatch Secret Nuclear Bunker

Take the Cake proudly present Scariest Places, the Most Haunted spoof around...

Join Annette Pielding, Merrick Alora, Carl BT, Chris O'Beef and Dick Feelit for a spine tingling ghost investigation at Kelvedon Hatch Secret Nuclear Bunker in Essex.

What will the team discover after spending the whole night underground.


Written by 
Tim Benge

Co Written by
Michael D Roberts
Berni Hubbard

Directed by
Berni Hubbard
Michael D Roberts

Produced by
Michael D Roberts
Berni Hubbard


www.facebook.com/takethecakeproductions

Twitter: @takethecakepro @michaeldroberts @Berni13

www.takethecakeproductions.co.uk

This sketch will be on the Haunted Channel on VirginMedia 198 on Wednesday 13th August

TV REVIEW: Most Haunted - Episode 2/10. Newton House Part 1

Despite promising myself I wouldn't watch any more of the new series, my review of episode 1 garnered a lot of attention so I thought what the hell.

So they are back at Newton House, which they already investigated in Series 11, Episode 13, and in fact you can watch the entire episode at the following Youtube Link and if you are interested in the location you can read the Wikipedia page Here

For anyone unaware Newton House is run by the National Trust, and like most old places there is the usual haunting stories, usually concocted to increase tourism.

Anyway the episode, they have Fred Batt as the Demonologist/Historian, he just doesn't have any kind of charisma.

For some strange reason they have "celebrity" guests Bullet for My Valentine a Welsh heavy metal band from Bridgend, and damn they just killed any credibility they ever had by appearing on Most Haunted, instantly they come across as a bunch of wimpy wannabes! You wouldn't have Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath acting like scared kids if they ever went on Most Haunted.

Before the investigation even begins we have the absolutely gorgeous and only reason to watch MH in Mel Crump claim that a light came on despite it not being plugged in, of course this wasn't caught on camera, and we then have to put up with Karl analysing the situation!

With the investigation now underway, we get the usual nonsense of Yvette calling out, whistling and doing whatever she can to try and get the ghosties to respond, the problem is that ghosts don't exist, so any noises they do hear are without doubt the crew.

We have a few things being thrown, ALWAYS off camera of course, but then that's the point especially since Karl and Stuart are the ones holding the main cameras! And Surprise Surprise (it's Cilla Here) things being thrown are always behind them!

Can we just have 40 minutes of Mel Crump instead please? For sure she will get fired for being more popular than Yvette, that is usually what happens!

So to recap we have about 10 or so people wandering around, and every time the camera is pointing one way, things are being thrown elsewhere, its almost like the ghosts know where and when to throw things so that they don't get caught on camera! What clever ghosts you are!

One thing I will say which is a good point, is that there is a lot less of them just pointing the handy cams at their own faces, Blair Witch style.

The sad thing about Most Haunted is that even if you believed it was all legit (which it clearly isn't) they get so excited over the most mundane of occurrences, and Fred Batt does his best to further encourage them by talking about bad energy, and warning them to be careful of what they call out and say, the problem is Fred Batt just lacks personality and credibility, and unlike someone like Derek Acorah, the general public have no reason to like him.

My favourite part of the whole episode has to be Stuart playing his old tricks, while standing next to Karl (who else!) Stuart suddenly falls, again off camera.

When he comes too, there is the usual nonsense from him of "what happened" and then flash backs to him feeling a bit queasy earlier because of the energies of the house!

Stuart admits he "just fainted" as Karl looks lovingly in his eyes! Only Karl and Yvette seem concerned, the rest of the crew just don't seem that bothered, almost as if it was pre-planned!

And as Stuart recovers something is thrown from "behind" Karl, again off camera, they wander about, things get thrown off camera, usually from by Karl or Stuart!

Worth watching Mel Crump and her reactions, you can see her cover her mouth with her scarf every so often, I think probably because she is stifling a laugh.

I would say that this episode is better than episode 1 simply because Stuart and Karl are up to their old tricks.

We even get some Ouija Board action, do you think someone should tell them Ouija was invented by businessman Elijah Bond, and had nothing to do with the occult until the first World War, also I believe I am right in saying that Hasbro own the rights to it these days!

Good to see Yvette doesn't risk wearing a glove during the "push a glass round a table" part of the evening, we all remember her getting caught cheating on a Live show many years ago!

With Karl and Stuart off doing their own "Vidgual", as you can imagine the sillyness commences.

Stuart hears a "wining" noise, which is definitely "Not Human", well I wouldn't say that about Karl myself, but I guess Stuart is allowed too!

Karl has probably only 2% more personality than Fred Batt! Damn this show really misses Derek Acorah, at least with Derek you could guarantee a possession or two per episode! These days at best we get Stuart pretend to pass out, or Karl whistling to himself.

Watching Most Haunted, and watching Yvette play silly board games, I have to ask, is there really anyone dumb enough out there who believes in this stuff? And if there is how do these people hold down normal jobs and relationships?

At one point Stuart locks himself in a room, and we have to watch him shouting "help", until the door miraculously unlocks itself, its moments like this I truly despair at.

At the end Dr John Callow makes some fair and interesting points, it's just a shame it is so obvious he is reading it off a prompt.

Most Haunted is silly, its not a real paranormal investigation, we know this, hell even OFCOM made an official announcement declaring the show was not a serious paranormal investigation, so the question remains, is it entertaining, well to some I am sure it is, and to others, it is mind numbingly boring, and a total waste of time watching.

I think the biggest problem Most Haunted have is that despite it being a spoof show, they play it like it is real, and from that you get ignorant people believing it is real. Unlike Ghostwatch (which MH was based on), we don't get the ridiculous big ending, and I think that is what the show misses. We used to get it back in the days of Derek Acorah, but since he left, they simply haven't found anyone to replace him.

I would say to avoid episode 1 since it is just a re-edit of the webisodes they made people pay for a while back, and go straight to episode 2 which is a proper episode, with a lot of the silly-ness we are more used too.

Anyway the next episode is the second part of the Newton House investigation, I will see if I can find a spare hour to review that soon, I think I will though, if only so we can mention Mel Crump again, who I am sure will get a LOT of fans when this series starts airing.

Official Blurb for Episode 2 below!

By Jon Donnis


Most Haunted
UK Premiere- New Series
Thursday 28th August, 10pm
2/10. Newton House
The brand new series of Most Haunted continues exclusively on Really with another spooky investigation from Yvette Fielding and the team.

This week is sees the first of a two part investigation as the team explore Newton House in South Wales. Yvette and the crew have visited this venue before but with such a huge amount of supposed paranormal activity they just had to return – and this time they have some very special guests – world famous Welsh heavy-metal band, Bullet for My Valentine.

Moving objects, children’s laugher, guests and staff experiencing choking sensations – these are just a few of the phenomena that are regularly reported. Multiple ghosts of haggard old women and children are allegedly seen daily, making the halls of this spooky building the perfect venue for a spine-chilling investigation.
The main structure of the house dates back to 1660 and its history is filled with conflict and pain. The most famous ‘ghost’ in the house is reputedly the ghost of the murdered Lady Cavendish who is said to have been strangled to death at the top of the building and her murderer is believed to haunt the long corridors. All this means that the team are up against some unexplained phenomenon when exploring the eerie halls of Newton House…

In one of the spookiest investigations in the history of Most Haunted the team is faced with multiple challenges and possible spirits. Loud footsteps, banging doors and even disembodied voices are only a few of the frights in store for Yvette, the band and her team.