Review: Most Haunted Series 5 (or 19) Episode 9 (Standon Hall in Staffordshire Part 2) - REALLY to air Friday 9th June 10pm

What if I am wrong? What if I have always been wrong? What if there really are ghosts and all along I have just been denying it, desperately ignoring all of the evidence just so I didn't have to admit I was wrong? What if there really is an invisible flying Loch Ness Monster humming the theme tune to The A Team while flying past my window? What if there really are midget aliens living on Mars who smoke cigars in the shape of trumpets? What if I was wrong about all these things? What if Yvette Fielding really is a nice lady, and has always been 100% faithful to Karl Beattie? What if Monkeys can really speak in perfect English but only do it when no humans are about? What if? To some these ideas seem ridiculous. But some people do believe. Do you?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, People of all ages, genders and particulars. We are back once again for our world famous review of Most Haunted! Yes we have no lives, we are sad pathetic people who sit in our mothers basements watching a show we hate just to complain about it. Yay us and our trollish ways!

First up time to empty Karl's filthy scum ridden blart sock and have a look at his dirty blurbage.

"Spooky scripted series with Yvette Fielding and her Scooby gang. The team continue their mammoth investigation of Standon Hall. Yvette has some harsh words for Karl when he follows the script exactly, and performs a prepared stunt with a knife (again) and takes a completely 'not' dangerous risk."

By now you will have hopefully read our article exposing last weeks episode whereby we showed that Karl and only Karl gimmicked the whole knife throwing incident, if you have not seen that, quickly go to HERE  and read it.

Now surely he wont try the same trick in this episode would he? Not when his own production footage caught him out and exposed him! No, no way he would be that stupid. (Clue. He does exactly that because he is that stupid!)

Last week we had a brief 3 second introduction to the lovely Rose Hillan, that was by far the highlight of the show, will we see her again, I hope so.

We start of this weeks episode with a short montage of everything that happened last week. Including the ridiculous nonsense with the knife that no one fell for.

Since this is a part two, we get no proper intro or walk about, as we are straight back into the investigation with Yvette talking about how concerned she was with the knife being thrown by Karl onto some ladders that have feelings. Think of the children people! Think of the baby ladders who will have to go the rest of their lives without the parent ladders! Think of the conversation when mommy ladder marries another ladder, and the child looks up to his new daddy and says
"You are not my real ladder, you are just my step ladder"

As Glen looks lovingly towards Yvette, Yvette shows her alligiance to the "Vaterland" (Fatherland)

I was recently asked on the BadPsychics forum if Most Haunted really use night vision, or if it is a filter like I state. Well here is a shot of Karl with his camera, notice the big powerful light on the top, and also the lack of shadows on his face from the lights pointed at him. By the looks of this, it is a simple black and white filter being used, and the area is very well lit.

Seems like they will just carry on with noises and shadows which is a shame, as usually you can fast forward through the first half of the episode to get to the nonsense. Now I have to pay attention to all of it.

Karl is at the back again and hears another "clatter", as usual OFF CAMERA (are you starting to see a trend with this show yet? Everything happens off camera! How would the ghosts know where every camera is and how to avoid ever being caught on them?

Now during this episode the camera caught Glen showing something to Yvette on his laptop, but it couldn't quite be made out, so I did some "CSI Shit" and I found the unedited picture he was showing her. Click on the image above to bring up a bigger version and you can see for yourself what Yvette was looking at.

Karl is now back down in the kitchen, and we get our first shot of the knife rack that became so interesting in last weeks episode, I have put a time code underneath so we can keep track of what is and what is not on the rack. This time code is direct off the UKTV website, so it is 5 Minutes and 53 Seconds out of a total of 45 minutes for the episode, just so you can double check yourself as I know you naughty believers always think I am upto something.

Notice how the knife that was thrown yesterday is no longer on the rack. 7 Knives on the rack.

They hear a noise. Fred seems all to quick to say a knife is thrown, but we don't see any knife, Karl claims he caught it all on camera, and Fred seems quite surprised by this.

We are constantly cutting between Yvette and her stooges and Karl and Fred, which really does make it hard to keep track of a realtime timeline.

Karl points the camera at himself and Fred who are stood at the door, of course another noise is heard, but because we can't see more than Fred and Karl's upper bodies, both their hands are out of shot, however it does look to me like Fred is the culprit here, just from his movement. But I could be mistaken. Have a look yourself, at the 7 minute 50 second mark, Fred's movements match perfectly to him throwing something underarm, and then the noise of something landing and making the noise. Ask yourself if these people were honest, why not set up a single cheapo camcorder on a table the other side of the room, to film them at the door?

Another noise is heard, of course not on camera, and they leave the area pretending to be scared.

They rejoin Yvette and the others. They talk about things for a while, nothing happens, Karl insists he wants to go split up again, Fred quickly states he will go with Karl.

Karl and Fred go back to the Kitchen. And they find a knife.

Yes that is the same knife as the one from the previous episode. But also if you scroll back up this page a bit, you will notice this knife was NOT in the rack earlier from before anything was thrown. So in my opinion either Karl or Fred (Most likely Fred) has swiped this knife, and pocketed and threw it.

Karl picks the knife up and adds it back to the rack. So the previous photo of the rack at 5 minutes in showed 7 knives, now with Karl replacing this one, it shows 8. Just want you all to keep track.

We cut back to Yvette and gang.

Glen has gone in a mood and is now refusing to take part, such a big baby, and all because Yvette wouldn't touch his mini Glen.

Yvette starts talking to the ghosts.

We cut back to Karl and Fred, and guess what, something is missing!

I've zoomed in on the knives, count them. Now quickly scroll up and compare to the previous photo from before we cut to Yvette. Yes a knife is missing, the one second from the right has gone, in less than a minute of TV time, but including an edit away from Karl and Fred to Yvette and then back again, a knife has disappeared.

Now don't you think it would have been smart to set up one separate camera pointed at those knives constantly? Afterall if you are scared of knives being thrown by the ghosts, and you are claiming that twice a big knife has been thrown, and come from the same location, wouldn't it be smart if you were trying to find evidence of paranormal activity that perhaps you might want to film there? So from experience we know that every time a knife goes missing, it usually gets thrown minutes later. I do wonder how they are going to do this, as clearly it needs to be more than just a knife being thrown on the floor off camera, they done that twice now, and first time Karl threw it, second time Fred threw it, they need to do something big!

We cut pointlessly back to Yvette and gang.

Glen has picked himself up and has stopped being a big moody bear.

Yvette starts whistling a really annoying tune.

Back to Karl and Fred, as they prepare for the big stunt.

Karl is clearly holding th camera with his left hand, and Fred is stood to Karls left too.
Karl's right arm is being held in a strangely high position. I wonder why?

Karl prepares himself by turning his head to the left and then boom!

Using his right arm he throw the missing knife at himself in as safe a manner as he can, sideways.

He then bizarrely holds the top of his head even though it hit him in the face, and still manages to hold the camera facing him pretty still. Now lets just say you got hit in the face by a knife that you did not expect, would you hold onto the camera and without issue manage to keep filming yourself perfectly?

Despite the knife clearly hitting him in the side of his face, he is still holding the top of his head! This is pretty funny stuff.

Now the give away that he is throwing it at himself is that he closes his eyes BEFORE it hits him, unfortunately it is almost impossible not to flinch when you are throwing something at yourself, as you cant help but prepare for impact.

Here is a GIF that shows him clearly close his eyes before the hit and prepare himself.

Is that blatant enough for you? Don't believe me, go to 17m10s on the UKTV offical airing of the episode, freeze frame it yourself, and tell me am I lying?

Ask yourself why his right hand was so high before the stunt, when clearly he didn't need it to hold the camera. Ask yourself why the camera never pointed away from his face despite the fact he claims a ghost threw a knife at him.

They find the knife on the floor, and of course it is the one that is missing from the rack that I pointed out earlier. Guessing he wasn't brave enough to hit himself with the big knife from the previous episode, so went for this lighter knife.

Karl comes back to Yvette and the others, and then has a barny. I wonder here if Yvette's anger is legit here, not because she believes for one second that Karl was really hit by a knife thrown by a ghost, but that he is throwing a knife at himself, after all accidents can happen. Even with a well rehearsed stunt like this.

Also worth noting that Fred and Karl are both laughing at this. Just stop for a moment and put yourself in the position they are claiming that Karl was put in. A ghost throws a knife at your head, and just a minute later you are laughing and joking cause you are being told off by your wife. If this was real, the whole shoot would have been shut down instantly. No arguments, no messing about, everything would be shut down. You would get everyone to leave the building. And you would go through the footage with a fine tooth comb, hoping to have caught something on camera that you could analyse. But no. They go back to Yvette, laugh and joke about, and carry on with the investigation.

This is a TV show, TV shows have strict health and safety rules. If a knife had been thrown by an unseen force for real, the show would have ended right there and then, and an internal investigation conducted.

Good news. GORT is back! So far this season he has been a complete waste of time and money! So they leave him roaming the building as they leave for the night.

Sweet baby Jesus we are only just about half way through the episode. Shoot me now please!

We are back in daylight and in colour and Yvette starts a walk through that is usually reserved for the beginning of an episode.

Next up is a hilarious moment whereby Karl is filming a corridor for no reason whatsoever, and a wheelchair suspiciously rolls into view.

Now as Karl goes to investigate, he films EVERYWHERE except the wheel chair itself, giving ample time for whoever gimmicked it time to move out of the way. Now either it was pushed and the person left through a door to the right side (Option 1.) or it was pulled with some fishing wire by someone hidden off to the left (Option 2.). Now if it is Option 2, when Karl investigates ahead they could easily escape back down the corridor where he came from. Or it was GORT (Option 3.)

Either way this was a blatant set up, and a ghost 100% did not push a wheelchair conveniently into shot while Karl was filming a corridor for no reason as at all.

Karl eventually returns to the Wheelchair, and finally has it fully in view, he asks the ghosts to move it again and can you guess what happens next? Absolutely nothing.

Karl keeps filming this time at the opposite end of the room.

First the before shot.

And then the ghost waits patiently for Karl to move the camera away from the scene and the moment he is not covering the desk, the door closes on it.

Karl investigates and pretends to not know what happened.
We get 5 replays of the door closing OFF CAMERA!

Fast forward a few hours and Karl and Yvette are outside in the dark, claiming to have seen a figure in the distance. (OFF CAMERA) Karl sees it again and goes off on a chase.

They go back into a building and start searching. Of course they find nothing, and nothing is caught on camera.

We do however get a brief shot of the lovely Rose.

Wish she would move the camera so we could see her pretty face!

Right something interesting happens at exactly 29m 15s. It is hard to make out, but you can hear a very faint whisper that is one of the crew, sounds like "right just see"??? Not sure, but as soon as he says it, Yvette then claims to hear something and runs off back across the area. Almost like a prompt for them to do the next bit. I'd love someone with better sound system to record this and see what they say.

Karl then notices another wheelchair in a different position to where he left it. Of course despite having a static camera filming there earlier, he moved it so did not catch any footage of the wheelchair moving, another crew member admits that they walked through the area with Fred earlier, but that they didn't move it.

We are getting more pointless running about as Karl and Yvette keep claiming to see someone, of course NEVER on camera. All this running about reminds me of Benny Hill! Anyone fancy making a montage and adding the Benny Hill music?

At least this running about is a nice change from the usual boring investigations.

Finally we get to see a bit of the lovely Rose. Although she is hiding behind Glen, so guessing she has no interest in appearing on the show, which is a shame.

Yvette is calling out to the ghosties, they are ignoring her as usual.
Strangely not had any knocking or tapping this episode.

They carry on with the investigation, and notice how they don't have the filter on now. This is usually how bright it is when they are investigating, no lights in the room are on, just the lights on the cameras, so you can get a good idea with this shot how bright it is during an average investigation.

The lovely Rose Hillan again makes it into shot! Good for her. Easily the best thing to happen to Most Haunted since the lovely Mel Crump.

All this running about and fannying around has wasted a good 15 minutes of the episode, which is good, as now just about 8 minutes left.

Karl is now investigating some lights being turned on. Again off camera. So they are now looking in and out of some rooms.

Karl points down a corridor and says to the cameraman there is someone there and to run after him, we get some running about and suddenly a bang, and when they go into a room a vase has been smashed on the floor. OFF CAMERA!

They keep searching rooms, the idea being that because there is no one in them, it MUST have been a ghost that threw the vase, or made other noises and so on. This way of thinking is ridiculous.

Here is a theory for you all, perhaps GORT is behind all of this, GORT hit the wheelchair and made it move then he scarpered off in the opposite direction. GORT hit the table with the vase on, knocking it on the floor. GORT knocking into doors etc would explain all the noises they have heard. A shadow from GORT showing against a wall and moving could make you think you have seen someone.

And because GORT is supposedly self controlled, he was left to roam about. Just a thought, although lets say you wanted to use GORT to fake some things, what better way than someone to sit way off camera with the remote control and get him to do things, he is small enough that you can drive him off under a chair or something to hide after an event. And because the way they run about looking for things they always make out they are looking for a person or a ghost, no one thinks to look for a small remote controlled car with a GoPro strapped to his roof!

They even now cut to GORT, and have him driving about, so we know he is present and ready to be used.

As the episode comes to a close, as Glen is walking ahead Yvette comes close to the camera and says
"Glen is being very brave, I think he is showing off"

I wonder who he could possibly be showing off for or who he is trying to impress?

We are told that even more horrors will come next week, and the end credits roll and we are done.

So what did I think of the episode, well a lot did happen, they clearly put some effort into the stunts this week, even if they were all pretty easy to debunk. Throwing the knife against his own face was probably the highlight, that was quite funny.

And due to the fact we saw the lovely Rose on camera a few times and even heard her speak that pushes up my score for the episode to a lofty 4/10 I cant give the episode any higher since there is no Watson AGAIN, Stuart is no where to be seen, and I can only imagine if he had been present what better stunts he could have been involved with. And we got GORT too, if only in brief segments.

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By Jon Donnis

Did Karl throw the knife? Most Haunted Series 5 (or 19) Episode 8 (Standon Hall in Staffordshire Part 1) - aired Friday 2nd June 2017

This season of Most Haunted has been an interesting one, mainly due to the fact we caught two moments whereby they blatantly faked paranormal evidence, we had the overlay video effect of Stuart pretending to be a ghost, which coincided with a huge PR push by Most Haunted, and then video of Fred clearly throwing something. Well in  Episode 8 (Standon Hall in Staffordshire Part 1) that aired Friday 2nd June 2017, the big stunt was a knife being thrown off camera. Well usually when something happens off camera, it is done to stop annoying people like me exposing it.

Well thanks to some of our excellent BadPsychics members, we have spotted something interesting.

First take a look at the whole scene as recorded by Ann B, and see if you can spot anything interesting.

Watching the whole seen in context of what is about to happen, it is prety obvious that Karl gets everyone to turn their backs (and cameras) on him and look outside after he claims he saw something. That in itself would give him chance to swipe the knife, ready to be thrown seconds later. 

But there is no footage of him taking the knife, or throwing it, so even if you are suspicious, the claim that a ghost did it can still be claimed (however ridiculous that sounds).

Well what if the knife has moved BEFORE it was thrown?

Take a look at this.

At about 15 seconds into the footage above, you can clearly see the knives on the rack on the wall.

So as Karl tells everyone to turn around and look outside the knife is clearly still on the rack.
As the footage rolls, we cut from Karls camera to that of Darren I think or Greg, can never tell them apart. So now Karl is off camera, and we can not see his camera feed.

We get a few jumps between different feeds, then we get this shot at 49 seconds into the footage above.

Notice anything strange?
Lets take a closer look.

Notice anything missing?

Lets put the two shots of the knives side by side.

Have you spotted the change? Yes when everyone was turned around, and Karl was stood next to the rack of knives, the knife that is later to be thrown, has disappeared.

So the question is, with Karl stood right there, within feet of the knives, nobody looking at him or filming him, a knife that is later to be thrown has been removed from the rack. So has a ghost picked it up, and is now just holding it waiting for the best chance to throw it? Or has Karl swiped it ready for his stunt in just a few seconds time? Note how right after the footage showing the knife missing, they all decide to leave pretty much straight away, Karl is the last person leaving the room and would have only have had to hold the knife for a few seconds. He then tossed it back to where he was stood before, and hope it landed in a decent place and not hidden under a counter.

As usual I will get accused of manipulating the footage, and so on, so here is a link to the UKTV site, where you can go watch the episode yourself.
uktvplay.uktv.co.uk/shows/most-haunted/

It is Series 19 episode 8, so you can find it. The clip above is about 37 minutes into the episode, so you can find it all.

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Just send any voucher too webmaster@badpsychics.co.uk

This is the best way to show your appreciation for the work I do. So if you enjoy the site, then how about donating me a voucher, and I promise I will only spend it on good stuff like video games or whiskey! And if not thats ok too. I will keep doing my reviews regardless.

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By Jon Donnis

Review: Most Haunted Series 5 (or 19) Episode 8 (Standon Hall in Staffordshire Part 1) - REALLY to air Friday 2nd June 10pm

♪♫♬Glen likes to put his hands on Y̶v̶e̶t̶t̶e̶ "A Vet"♪♫♬

♪♫♬Some say he does it for a bet♪♫♬

♪♫♬He's hiding a boner♪♫♬

♪♫♬No longer a loner♪♫♬

♪♫♬Delete your web history don't forget♪♫♬

Ladies & Gentlemen, we are back once again for my world famous Most Haunted review.
So pull out your favourite blart sock, get that vaseline ready , prepare your Cadbury alley, for we are at Standon Hall in Staffordshire for the first of a three part extravaganza!

"More paranormal sleuthing with Yvette Fielding. A fearful team begin their three-part investigation of the mysterious Standon Hall in Staffordshire, despite being built in 1910 and having no history of hauntings whatsoever, the MH team will investigate it. Will someone fall over again and blame it on the spirits? Will Glen smirk with his hands in his pocket, will Karl ever find out the truth, will Fred throw something, find out only on Most Haunted"

Did you know when you login to the UKTV website and try to watch Most Haunted, you have to click a button answering if you are over 15 to watch, and then you have a disclaimer stating the show is for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. It is as if they are telling you it is fake, and then laugh at those who think it is real.

With no sign of Watson now for a good few weeks, I am wondering if he has been "accidentally" run over by Yvette while reversing her 1982 Vauxhall Nova?

We open up with Yvette doing her usual voice over about the location, she asks is this just people's overactive imagination or is Standon Hall really Haunted? Fair questions, which I could answer right now.

And right away they cut away from Yvette to a Yvette voice over stating that you can see a face in the glass panels behind her!

At the best it is pareidolia, personally I can't see any face, can you? Leave a comment if yes.
Also I hate to say this, but Yvette is looking quite busty today too. Oh no I am getting those naughty feelings again, I was warned about this by my Priest!

No sign of Watson still, remember what I said earlier in the series, the moment anyone gets more popular than Yvette they are soon written off the show.

Yvette and Glen then come into the building TOGETHER, nothing suspicious here, completely innocent.

I wish my wife looked at me the way Glen looks at Yvette.
Glen has his hands in his pocket, and a smirk on his face, so all is normal there.

Glen tells Yvette he has been working out, so she tenderly feels his bicep, impressed by the size of his bulge, they walk off up the stairs to further explore the building.

A door has already shut on its own, and they discuss some of the cameramen's experiences, Glen then admits that he believes in Stone Tape Theory, so to put that in context, the show's resident "skeptic" believes completely in a 100% unproven, paranormal claim.

Yvette just cant keep her hands off Glen this episode, and just looks directly into his eyes while he talks.
In other unrelated news Karl Beattie is not present during this scene.

Yvette hears a tap, and asks "are there many of you watching us?"
And with that lets take a look at the ratings for Most Haunted through April/May.

Most Haunted April 22nd - 367,000 viewers (Episode 2 with the faked footage)
Most Haunted April 29th - 301,000 viewers
Most Haunted May 6th - 353,000 viewers
Most Haunted May 13th - 278,000 viewers
Most Haunted May 20th - 292,000 viewers

There is no date available for Episode 1, and the ratings for the 26th May episode not released yet.
What can we ascertain from these ratings? Well they had a nice number for the episode where they spent a fortune on publicity, and getting footage of the Stuart overlay video effect in the papers and online websites, it then dropped, before going back up again, and then 2 weeks with a lower rating. These numbers are way up on last year, where some weeks they struggled to even get in the top ten.

Ok back to Greg tapping with his foot, sorry I mean the spirits communicating through tapping.
A quick pan with the camera reveals there is at least 6 people involved with this scene.

Karl has now appeared and is giving his worthless opinion on the tappings, it definitely seems like they are trying to set the viewer up to be prepared for a lot of "events" to happen later in the investigation. And since this is a three parter filmed over two nights, it is almost as if they already know that they will have a lot of "activity", which is strange.

Some more claims of seeing shadows etc, all very boring, when suddenly we are introduced to Rose!

Rose Hillan is apparently the Assistant Producer on Most Haunted, and from this shot of her, she is looking very fit. Could we finally have a woman to replace the legendary Mel Crump as the resident fitty on the show?

Rose Hillan has instantly become the most credible, most honest, most interesting person on Most Haunted, and since Watson's demise, we have a new hero to get behind.

Karl talks very favourably about the lovely Rose. And then cuts across to Yvette who is stood like this.

I cant see Rose lasting long with Yvette already jealous of her. And Karl giving her the crafty eye too.
I assume she will be in these 3 episodes, and then gone never to be seen or heard of again.

The fake night filters have been added to the cameras, and the investigation proper has now begun.

Karl and Yvette have separated from the rest and have headed downstairs into an area with boilers and so on. 30 seconds in and they are having a barney, and arguing with each other.

Back with the others and Glen has his laptop out, but is not letting anyone see the screen, luckily I know Russian hackers who showed me exactly what he has on his laptop.

As they are stood there, Fred starts talking to the forces of evil and darkness, and hilariously Greg/Darren?? comes out with a loud "for f*cks sake are we really doing this?" directed at Fred, which is possibly the funniest moment of the whole series, and also the feelings of every viewer.

Did you know that Yvette Fielding's Grandmother is from Cyprus! Just another thing we have in common.

Ok back to the show, and they are hearing tappings by Fred, who has one hand in his large pocket.

Yvette has heard a growl type sound, they investigate and realise its the sound of a door closing, now they kind of expose themselves here, because if a door had to open and then close for something to go through, then it is definitely NOT a ghost, it would be a real person.

Glen and Fred are now claiming they can hear a faint musical instrument being played.

Back to Yvette and Karl and Yvette says the following "My hair looks like pubes again"
No joke, she says that, that is not me being funny, or anything she literally says her hair looks like pubes AGAIN. I don't know what to say to that. Karl makes a few rude comments, Yvette claims she is called a silver fox and admits her pubes are grey. Yes that really happens. To change the subject she quickly pretends to have heard a noise.

Just a note, here is Yvette's hair when Karl met her, you can make of that what you will.

Here is an interesting article about Standon Hall.
expressandstar.com

Aug 25, 2016

"Controversial plans have been passed to turn a historic listed building into a house - despite concerns from residents it will actually be used as a 'haunted house' attraction"

Well it seems that their concerns have come true. Every week Most Haunted seem to investigate places that amount to being tourist attractions due to claims they are haunted.

Where is Stuart? Not seen him at all so far. Hmmmm.

27 minutes in, and I am starting to get distracted, and rather bored. Lets hope for a big ending to liven things up. Only so much of Karl and Yvette pretending to hear things and see shadows I can put up with.

Next up we hear a wimpering noise, they replay it, and 100% it's a pigeon, I guarantee you, I hear the exact same sound every morning and it drives me mad.

It has just occured to me that I might have confused Greg and Darren, so please keep that in mind when I mention names.

Darren is now claiming that they have been hearing a piano being played, and something like a tuba, yet incredibly us the viewer have heard no such thing.

The entire episode up until this point has only had a few taps, some random far away sounding noises and a shadow that they never got any footage of.

Nothing has been thrown at all, maybe that is because Stuart is not present, and Fred was told off for getting caught a few episodes back. I suspect that instead of ruining the effect of a big ending by having lots of things thrown, they will keep it to just one thing being thrown. Let's wait and see if I am right.

The whole group is now back together, so if you are going to throw anything here is the best time to do it with 10 minutes left.

Some good facials in the shot above. They move into a kitchen area. Darren has a headache. There is also a smell in the kicthen of dead pig, that or Yvettes bottom problems have returned. I suspect if they are going to do a "throw scene" it will be in the kitchen, since there is a lot of metal aboutt which is great for making noises with.

Karl has started imagining things now, claiming that someone was stood behind Glen, but clearly there is no one there.

As they leave the kitchen and Karl being the last person out, suddenly there is a loud noise, upon investigation Yvette finds a large knife on the floor.

As always the knife was thrown off camera, so most likely Karl just chucked it with his spare hand as they were leaving the room, that way there was no risk of accidentally hitting anyone.

There is also a fly present, which I have decided to call Keith, and hopefully he is the new member of the team. Karl decides that flies are a demonic sign. Well of course they are.

Now if this was a real investigation, what you would do is put the knife carefully in a plastic bag and seal it, then later on dust it for finger prints, and if any were found compare it to all of the crew members, but of course instead of doing that straight away Yvette picks up the knife and throws it against some ladders that are on the floor to recreate the original sound. Do you see how unprofessional this is? It is not a real investigation, never has been, not even on day one of the very first series over a decade ago.

Endless replays of Karl overacting, and ridiculous analysis of the whole thing which was NEVER caught on camera.

A bit more talking, and the episode ends.
So the only real talking point was the knife at the end, it wasn't caught on camera, so instantly it becomes worthless as evidence of anything. Karl was the last person to leave the room, he is known for throwing knives, spoons, forks, you name the type of cutlery and he has thrown it.

Another very poor episode, no Watson, no GORT. We only got 3 seconds of the beautiful Rose Hillan, so all in all a disappointing episode, where nothing of value happened.

It is another 0/10 from me, and a few hours of my life I will never get back.


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By Jon Donnis

Review: Most Haunted Series 5 (or 19) Episode 7 (The Ripon Prison in Yorkshire) - REALLY to air Friday 26th May, 10pm

♪♫♬Old Mother Hubbard♪♫♬

♪♫♬Went to the cupboard,♪♫♬

♪♫♬To give the poor Watson a bone;♪♫♬

♪♫♬When she came there,♪♫♬

♪♫♬The cupboard was bare,♪♫♬

♪♫♬And so poor Watson had none.♪♫♬

If you have witnessed cruelty to animals, like putting them in danger, or leaving them hungry, you can report such people to the RSPCA

Also a big thanks to all of you who donated Amazon Gift Vouchers to me after last week's review. very much appreciated.

And with that said we can start our latest review of the UK's worst fictional drama, Most Haunted.

So while Karl stops playing with his Rusty Sheriffs Badge, lets take a look in the spunk sock at the blurb for this weeks episode.

"Spook searching with Yvette and co. The team attempt to stay the night at the old prison in Ripon where they have some lingering former inmates for company."

If you recall last week they were in the workhouse in Ripon, so this week I am guessing they are doing the prison. A place that without any research on my side I am assuming is now a tourist attraction, and "being haunted" is part of its gimmick.

We start off with a replay of these two numpties.

The guy on the left was David "Random Stoner" Ault if you recall. A professional actor who sells audio book ghost tours. The other guy, no idea, and don't care.

Some more replays from last week, no set up, no intro, just straight into replays, how very bizarre. We get to see Yvette (Also a professionally trained actress, although you would never guess) feigning surprise when her name of Henry Lupton that she got from the Hasbro Ouija Board was found by Faker Fred in his book, that Yvette 100% definitely did not see off camera, honestly M'Lord I found him like that.

Now I hate to admit that I missed something, but upon watching the replay of the book, I noticed something else.

Yes Fred's thumb is pointing at the word imbecile.

Definition: imbecile
a stupid person.
synonyms: fool, idiot, cretin, moron, dolt, halfwit, ass, dunce, dullard, simpleton, nincompoop, blockhead, ignoramus, clod....

Was this a subtle nod towards all of the Most Haunted fans who think this show is a real paranormal investigation? Or was it a nod to me, the biggest idiot of all who writes about them? I will let you decide.

Finally the show proper starts and Yvette's first words are that the prison is now a museum! I called it didn't I!

Since Watson the Most Haunted Bulldog wasn't allowed on last weeks episode, I am guessing he wont be on this episode either.

Remind me again why they decided to have a dog on the show?

Disclaimer: In no way are we suggesting that real life actor David Ault actually smokes any illegal substance, we are making fun of the character he is playing on a spoof TV show. Whether David Ault smokes or not is of no real interest to us.

David Ault is back, hope he isn't using some of his audio book in this interview, otherwise what would the point be of paying him money for it!

Glen, Yvette and Fred are in a room together, Glen points out the handcuffs on the wall, then says he is hoping to hear some moaning and groaning, and all said with a glint in his eye while staring straight into Yvettes soul. Nice to see Yvette with some pink lipstick on too. Luckily Glen is dressed all in black.

Yvette has left Glen and Fred alone to put off any suspicions, although as you can see in this photo above, Karl had been lurking about in disguise all along. Also Glen has been told to stop his flirting, so has his finger on his lips, much like we used to at school. And in other news, "teacher student fantasy" is one of the most googled topics on Glen's internet search history.

Yvette is begging the spirits to talk to her, just one person talk to her. It's just like high school all over again for her.

Worth noting that Glen gets referred to as the Resident Skeptic by Yvette, despite the fact he produced a video declaring footage they found as "the best evidence ever" even though it was really a video overlay digital effect.

Fred has thrown something off camera and Glen is looking for it now. Funny how Fred always has his hands in his large pockets, how about someone film inside his pockets.

15 Minutes in and nothing has really happened. 

Karl and Stuart are now together in a corridor. Mooching about. Guessing they are planning something soon.

We hear what Stuart describes as a bicycle bell in the background. Guessing that is a gimmick they will play up to later on.

Karl sits in a room alone, and asks the spirits to touch him. He just wants to be touched people, it's been 4 years since he had anyone touch him intimately, poor guy.

We hear Stuart shouting in the background, we cut to him thanking the ghosties, he has found a bicycle (surprise surprise) and yes it has a bell on it! What an amazing coincidence.

He then talks about an incident that has just happened, yet bizarrely we are not shown that footage.

He claims he heard a key put in a door, we get this exciting close up of an empty key hole.

"Clitoris is derived from the Greek word for clitoris, kleitoris, which in turn comes from kleio (to close, as with a door or latch), perhaps in reference to those portions of the labia minora that enclose the clitoris, or to the clitoris as a metaphorical gateway to the vagina."

Back to Karl and he is sat alone, realising that he has wasted most of his adult life with very little to show for it. He slowly reaches for a shotgun, his finger trembles on the trigger......

Suddenly there is a noise, the door has moved slightly (off camera), Karl puts the shotgun down, and goes to investigate. Wow that was a close one. First ever death on a spoof paranormal investigation show nearly happened then.

Please check out National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you are ever having any such thoughts, there is always people out there to help you. They are sick of hearing from me though, I usually ring them after I have finished writing each review of Most Haunted.

25 minutes in and still nothing of interest has happened, other than a few creaking doors, and a bicycle bell ringing OFF CAMERA!

Karl starts talking about the energy there, how it is freezing cold and electric.

Notice Karl's eyes, if it was really dark wouldn't his pupils be massive? Instead they are perfectly normal. It is almost as if they are faking night vision with some kind of filter. Of course that is nonsense though, as we all know Karl's white hair would appear dark in night vision wouldn't it........

Wow this episode is boring. They better be building to a big finale, or else I have just wasted a few hours of my life.

Stuart is coming up the stairs to rejoin Karl, he tells of all these amazing things that have happened, yet we have not been shown any of them, his camera is definitely working as we are seeing a duel screen shot.

Also notice the big light on Karl's camera.

Still think they are being honest with you?

We hear another loud noise as Stuart is off camera. 

Stuart is still going on about this bell. Endless replays.

Imagine if you wanted to fake the bell noise, all you would need to do is record it on your smartphone, then press play while it is in your pocket out of sight.

Everyone has decided to regroup for the big finale, well it is in the script you know.

Glen is keeping his distance from Yvette here since everyone else is present.

31 Minutes gone, and still nothing has really happened.

Karl positions himself between Glen and Yvette in an act of control, his hands cupping his blue balls.

At least 7 of them in this small room now, Yvette claims to hear noises. Could be any of them. Laptop battery power is going down. (Faulty battery)

Even Yvette is now begging the ghosts to do something. Stuart claims to hear steps in the corridor. Nothing is picked up on the microphones.

They all go back in the room, Stuart leaves his camera filming in the corridor. I hope we get another overlay edit, that would be cool, but would they dare do that twice after getting caught out the first time?

Fred is now talking to the prince of darkness, but I doubt Ozzy Osbourne will be paying much attention.

We hear the bell again, but everyone is in the room! It must be the ghosts. There can be no other possible explanation.

Some footsteps are heard. Yvette hears a growling sound. (Glen's stomach again perhaps?) Because all of the batteries etc keep going low, Stuart has been sent to get more, but we are told this in a voice over edit. Hang on a second this sounds well fishy.

Now we cut to the outside the room footage, and as Stuart is walking past he falls over right in front of the camera. Aaaahhhh now I understand why they had to edit in the voice over, as up until that point we were being lead to believe that Stuart was in the room with them.

Stuart claims he was pushed (by a ghost) despite the fact the floor is uneven, and he clearly just tripped. Now on the replay his fall matches perfectly with Fred asking the spirits to push one of them. Stuart starts his fall just off camera, so we don't see his feet. I wonder if they edited together the footage of Stuart falling to match what Fred said.

I reckon Stuart fell for real, but they decided to use it, so edited things together to make it all connect.

Endless replays etc.

I do think that should have been the final scene, the big finale, but alas they have 5 minutes to burn, so the teams have split up again, so perhaps they have something else set up?

Worth noting they have not had any tappings this episode, but then again it looks like they have concrete/stone flooring, so the tapping wouldn't carry as well as on wooden flooring.

Karl is talking to the camera, and they do this ridiculous effect to make it seem like the camera has cut out. If the battery had gone dead, it would just stop recording! It would not show white noise, you imbeciles!

We then get an EVP played back through the laptop, and there is no clear words, but Fred tells us it says "Not Guilty", personally I couldn't hear that, but as with all EVP's it is evidentially worthless anyway, so ignore it.

And that's it, the episode ends. Another truly awful episode, nothing really happened.

0/10 again. I really should give it a minus score because of the lack of Watson and GORT, the two most charismatic members of the team.

I hope that in some way I have entertained you today, if I did why not donate an Amazon Email Gift Voucher to me to show your appreciation.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Amazon-E-mail-Amazon-co-uk-Gift-Voucher/dp/B006AUF6X0/

Just click the link above, and you can donate anything from £1 to £1 Million!
Just send any voucher too webmaster@badpsychics.co.uk

This is the best way to show your appreciation for the work I do. So if you enjoy the site, then how about donating me a voucher, and I promise I will only spend it on good stuff like video games or whiskey! And if not thats ok too. I will keep doing my reviews regardless.

Please leave your comments below.
Tweet me on @JonDonnis and send your abuse to @TheBadPsych
You can also join the Forum and share your thoughts there.
We are also on Facebook, just search BadPsychics and you will find us.

By Jon Donnis