Why freelance writers do my head in

Every week I will get an email from a freelance writer, usually the spin is that they want to write an article for my site, and will pay for it to be published, in return they get to post a single link to some website that they are trying to promote. In general I have no problem with this kind of sponsored article, the online newspapers are full of them, and it is a legitimate way for a website to make some money.

These emails are often mass emails, with just the odd name changes to fit the person they are emailing.

Now I always want to make money, but I also know that to write for a SKEPTICAL website such as this is not easy, I also know that these freelance writers will have no idea how to write an article that is based in the paranormal genre, and from a skeptical viewpoint.

They always claim they can, but when I tell them to go ahead, they always disappear never to be heard from again.

This week I had one of these very email requests, and it made me laugh, so I thought I would share it with you all. I have removed and edited some details for reasons of privacy. Names and email address etc, the body of the emails are unedited apart from the last one for obvious reasons.

Emails from Albert are in black BOLD writing, my replies are in BOLD Blue writing

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From: Albert

To: BadPsychics

Sent: Monday, 22 June 2015, 12:42

Subject: Editorial Contribution

Hi Jon,

 

I’m Albert ####### and I am writing because I’d like to offer you an original piece of content for your site badpsychics.com

 

I know you have written about psychic readings, tarot card reading a few times before, and it tends to provoke a positive response in your audience. If you are interested in having a guest contribution, I would write another post on the same subject, expanding on what you said and perhaps providing a different perspective. Just so we are clear; I would be writing this piece just for you and your site. This is not some article I have had lying around looking for a home. Naturally, I would also promote the article to my readers, so you’d get a decent boost in traffic once it went live.

 

If that topic does not interest you, I could just as easily write about something else. For example:

 

1.  The History of Tarot Card Reading

2.  Spiritual World vs Physical World- What's in store for you (and how to find out through a psychic)

3.  Lottery, Life and Luck!

 

Thoughts? Shoot me an email and we can discuss it further or figure out the next steps.

 

Thanks for your time,

Albert

 

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On Mon, Jun 22, 2015 at 5:48 PM, Jonno Donnis  wrote:

Hi

I get emails like yours all the time and in 100% of cases the offer is never followed through.

So please have a go, I charge £50 for a placed article as obviously you want to advertise something.

My site is skeptical/science based. (This is the bit that really screws people over when they realise how hard it is too write in this fashion)

So yeah have a go, if I approve I will place it on the site after receiving payment.

I suspect however that I will never hear from you again!

Jon

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From: Albert 

To: Jonno Donnis 

Sent: Monday, 22 June 2015, 15:48

Subject: Re: Editorial Contribution

Hi Jon,

Why you suspect so?I am interested and I am capable to provide you the articles according to your requirements and guidelines. 

Would you like to work with us?

Albert

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On Mon, Jun 22, 2015 at 6:27 PM, Jonno Donnis  wrote:

Ok great

Send me an original article, and if I like it I will happily publish it on my site.

My only points are, it must be written from an unbiased, critical thinking perspective, and must not in any way promote the psychic industry or mediumship.

Regards

Jon

--------

From: Albert 

To: Jonno Donnis 

Sent: Tuesday, 23 June 2015, 11:15

Subject: Re: Editorial Contribution

Hi Jon,

Can I include this link: http://####

And Can we please negotiate?

Albert

--------

Lol, you see, this is the problem with people like you, you send out your bullshit mass emails after doing a quick google for sites, and you never bothered to even read my site or understand it.

NO YOU CAN NOT include a link to a god damn FAKE bogus psychic website!

How thick are you really?

Seriously?

I actually know Derek Acorah, and his wife Gwen.

I am going to forward this to them as I am sure they will have a good laugh at whoever they are paying to employ knobheads like you.

Go away and never contact me again you disgusting little cretin

Jon

-------

Now this was my final reply, and yes I was a little rude, but I have to deal with idiots like this every day.

As you will see I removed the link in his final email, that is because it goes to one of Derek Acorahs personal online psychic readings websites!

Yes the freelance writer approached me (the first man in the world to expose Derek Acorah as a fraud) in the hope he could pay me to publish an article that would in the end link to a psychic website!

So word of warning to any fellow webmasters, watch out for idiots like this, always ask what site they want to promote first of all.

For the record I have NEVER as far as I can recall ever published a freelance written article for money on this site. I HAVE had ads, videos etc on the side bar or wherever that are clearly marked as ads in the past, and now i have a single page called SPONSORS that you can go visit as I wanted to keep ads off the main site and give people freedom to support the site if they wanted too as opposed to forcing ads down peoples throats.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this brief piece that I decided to share with you.

Jon Donnis

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E06 (Wentworth Wood House Part 1)

After the clusterf*ck that was my Episode 5 review, I was so close to just deleting everything Most Haunted related from the site, but alas here I am once again sat in front of the computer, watching this decaying horse corpse nonsense people like to call Most Haunted.

Seriously this is the absolute lowest form of entertainment. Just think about it for a moment, it is a pretend investigation into something that doesn't exist in the first place. At least Pro Wrestling is pretending to be an actual thing, and you have to have charisma, athleticism and a good body to be a star. Most Haunted is copying something that isn't real in the first place, and we are idiots for watching it! And what's worse than that, it is not even entertaining, the only entertaining person ever on the show was Derek Acorah, and even the so called Skeptics on the show were all being directed by Karl Beattie. Anyway the official blurb is below.

Thursday 9th July, 10pm
S2E6/10. Wentworth Wood House Part 1
Really’s terrifying series continues with Yvette Fielding and the team heading to Wentworth Woodhouse, the largest privately owned house in Great Britain. The paranormal activity is said to range from reports of a headless ghost on the stairs, to the echoes of children laughing and whispering, and even an operatic singing voice being heard. Yvette has a strange feeling they're being followed while Karl and Stuart experience something like never before.

Right, let me just double check this isn't me watching episode 4 again? Nope, it is definitely episode 6 due to air in the UK on 9th July. How sad is it that it took me 20 minutes to realise I had already seen it, just goes to show how repetitive and tedious Most Haunted is.

I really hope Leah Walton is back, after going missing, I can only think the worst for her.

As always skip the first 5 minutes unless you get off on nonsense waffle about and old building, purely designed to precondition the view into believing the rubbish you will see later on.

Do watch out for this guy, who for his entire interview does not blink once! Seriously, his eyes are like that all the time, claims he has seen ghosties and so on, I think it's a different kind of spirit he has been looking at.

We get the early interview with the King of Smirks, The Smirkster, Mr Smirktacular himself Glen Hunt. I have to admit early on I didn't like him, he was being advertised as the resident Skeptic, when in reality he is just some crappy local radio DJ desperate to get on TV, HOWEVER his smirking skills have kind of won me over. We are talking 24/7/365 for this guy.

I heard a rumour that he got fired from his previous job as a funeral director, I guess there comes a time when smirking in public really isn't acceptable. While talking to Yvette he asks a good question regarding the "headless" ghost that walks the halls of Wentworth Wood House, he asks why a headless man would walk down stairs. Yvette does her best to answer, but fact is if ghosts were real, (they are not), a headless one has no reason to walk down stairs. I've always wondered how it is that ghosts can walk on the floor, make footstep noises, yet cant move a physical object on command in a controlled setting! Perhaps the answer is that GHOSTS DO NOT EXIST YOU PATHETIC STUPID CHILD!

Anyway more Glen, Yvette and Mr Moneybags Fred Batt are wondering about, this is the part where Fred gets his contracted few minutes to promote himself and talk a load of crap. Surely Fred realises that Karl and Yvette are only using him for his money. Maybe he does understand that but justifies it by getting himself on TV?

Stuart checks the floor for signs of ghost termites

Anyway the cameras have their little green filters added, Yvette pretends that it is now dark. A shiny bald head of Stuart is now with them. No sign of Leah at all, so guessing she is done with the show, She managed a mighty 3 episodes! Poor girl!

21 minutes in and we get our first ridiculous scream from Yvette after she hears her own sweaty fart and thinks it was a ghost. With all her layers on, that smell will surely escape after a few minutes.

Yvette starts to talk to the ghosts that do not exist, I hope she tells them to make a noise with their voice. Still the dumbest thing anyone has ever said.

24 minutes in and I am now officially bored shitless, although as Yvette starts singing out in the hope that the ghosts will reply to her, it kinda looked like Stuart had entered her.

Nothing much is happening, Karl keeps trying to claim the ghosts are making knocking noise, while suspiciously moving his leg up and down!

Glen is really wishing he had worn a coat, and that brings us to this weeks COATWATCH! As you can see from the above image, we have the idiot hipster in some weird coat, Yvette in her classic Fart Capturer coat, and Fred in his Tweed moneybags coat.

Not sure if it is cause he is so cold, or he just likes to play with himself, but Glen Hunt constantly has his hands in his pockets.

There is a quite funny sequence of events whereby Karl and Stuart are in a room, and doors keep slamming shut whenever the camera is not pointing at them, and the doors have no handles, and are now locked and they cant get out! Just imagine the idiots at home lapping this all up. Remember folks, health and safety rules TV! That's another way you know it is all faked.

I have to say this is a rather poor episode. 36 minutes in and other than a couple of doors closing, nothing has happened. The lack of Leah Walton is glaring once again, But we all know Yvette has to be centre of attention, and since everyone liked Leah, it was only a matter of time before she had to go.

That awkward moment when it is supposed to be 

pitch black & they show Stuart filming with his light on

Yvette offers the ghost child some sweets in a rather disturbing way, Jimmy Saville must be wanting his gimmick back.

With us reaching the end of the episode, some small piece of concrete or something is thrown, OFF CAMERA of course. Glen is smirking.

Eammon is back with his laptop and other electronic nonsense. I am sure I could hear Ruth spinning in her grave.

Another thing is thrown, this time I would guess it was the hipster who is joining in on the silly-ness.

Karl Beattie tries out a new pose

Glen tries out a new type of Smirk

And with that we get some "next time on Most Haunted" clips, which make you wonder why none of that wasn't included on this episode.

Overall a terrible terrible episode. Only Glen Hunt and his perpetual smirking kept me interested.

Until next time. Sleep tight, because you have no reason not to, as THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS!!

By Jon Donnis

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E05 (Fort Paull Part 2) The one where I didn't realise I was watching episode 4 again!

In the previous episode (the one where nothing happened) the highlight, or low light of the episode was when Yvette witnessed Karls withered wrinkly, barely there penis, which left her in fits of terror, tears pouring down her face, and in pain after running into a door and hurting her leg. Luckily Leah was not on that episode, so she was spared the horror, will she be back this week? Will we be able to continue with our ever popular feature of "Coatwatch" or will we be left with an hour of idiots wandering about, pretending to be in the dark (we know its a filter guys, we can see your shadows!). I think we can safely assume which.

Anyway here is the official blurb for the episode!

Thursday 2nd July, 10pm
S02E05/10. Fort Paull Part 2
Really’s terrifying series continues as Yvette Fielding and the team spend a second week at Fort Paull. The team are wary of what they will encounter next. There’s a sinister atmosphere as they walk through the tunnels, hoping to find the ghosts that may reside there…the EVP machine will later reveal the hidden messages undetected by the human ear, just who is trying to contact the team?

We start off with Yvette stood outside

That is what in the business is called the "Glamour opener", basically that is where they put the prettiest staff member, in the most interesting location, as a pull, or a "get", for views just changing channels at the beginning of an hour. And if Yvette stood in a field, in big coat doesn't grab you nothing will!

Remember they had Mel Crump and they let her go! Just imagine if it was the Crumpster stood there, in a fitted pant suit, or smart shirt, just a hint of cleavage, and her glorious flowing locks, waving in the wind, suddenly some hair goes in her face, she casually moves it away with her hand, while continuing her piece to camera, in the back ground, an eagle swoops in and out of shot, while majestic music plays. No instead we get a grubby looking Yvette with her god awful fringe, stood in a field looking like a homeless gypsy. Oh well.

We get the usual recap, and history lesson. We are told how "amazing" this location is, and how many people have seen spirits. Of course no footage exists.

Glen is back, and damn he is smirking really hard today, beads of sweat are running down his forehead as he goes full on hard smirk.

Smirking Hard!

This guy smirks harder and faster than anyone I have ever seen in my life. Yvette is clearly interested and impressed by his smirking skills. I have even heard from my sources that he can smirk with both sides of his mouth! And even it has been said he can smirk with both sides at the same time! This guy could literally be the smartest or the dumbest person in the world, and I would have no idea, as his smirk just distracts you from anything he says. I feel sorry for him when he has to go to serious events like funerals though, cause damn if he is sat there and whips out a quick smirk, it would be hard to hide it, he would have to go to the bathroom and have a quick smirk there before the event to hopefully get it all out of his system. He can control his smirking now, but when he was a kid at school, I know he would sometimes have to smirk right in the middle of a History lesson, and how embarrassing that would be. But it happens to all of us, that uncontrollable urge to smirk, sometimes you could hide a smirk behind your belt, but that would depend on the size of the smirk. You girls have now idea of the struggle!

ACTUAL photo of Glen Hunt post smirk

Anyway so much smirking and we are now getting on with the investigation. Fred Batt is quick to get his face on camera, afterall its all his gig, his dosh, so he is gonna get in the frame front and centre, IT'S IN HIS CONTRACT PEOPLE!

Anyway.... As expected no Leah again, surely Yvette didn't get rid of her after just 3 episodes, Leah not seen in episode 4, and not in this episode 5. And no replacement either. I honestly dont think Yvette could find a woman in the world who wouldn't be more popular than her on the show. Maybe Rose West?

Eammon is back, and he is talking nonsense, still no sign of Ruth which is a shame. Can someone tell Eammon that his fancy EVP machine is a big pile of steaming crap, that has NOTHING to do with the paranormal, and 100% of everything is picks up is understood and explainable by someone with just an ounce of knowledge in the fields of radio waves etc.

If I am rambling a bit, its cause we are 16 minutes in, and I am already bored to death, and I am desperately trying to entertain myself.

Hopefully Stuart will start throwing stuff around soon.

You know I dont know what is sadder, the fact that I am sat watching Most Haunted, and writing about it, or that I am sat watching Most Haunted, writing about it, and I can see the sea!

Hang on a second, either they just replayed an entire segment from last weeks episode by mistake, or this is episode 4, and I didn't realise I am watching the same episode again!

Yep it's episode 4, For some reason I have episode 4 as episode 5 on the review DVD.

And it took me 20 minutes to realise I was watching the same episode again! Just goes to show how utterly boring, tedious and similar each episode is.

Oh well, that will be the end of this review! No idea if I will ever review the real episode 5, at least I have an excuse to stop watching now. Sorry guys. No spoilers, no review.

Well since this has a been a total waste of mine, and your time sadly, here is something way more interesting, yesterday I visited a little harbour town in Greece, and I was walking along the wall, and when I looked down, this ugly Muther was just sat on the rocks!

I'm convinced it is an alien, but I am sure there will be big nasty skeptics out there to say I am wrong, so please if anyone can give me a proper identification, I would appreciate it. I have had a few people say on Twitter (@JonDonnis) what it is, but I am still convinced it ate its way out of some ones chest before killing a load of people on a space ship, and then somehow ended up down here.

That is all from me, sorry for the clusterf*ck of a review. We all make mistakes, especially when trying to watch something as tedious as Most Haunted

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E04 (Fort Paull Part 1) The one where absolutely nothing at all happens.

I just cant stop! I have to watch Most Haunted, not because I want to, not because I need to, but because I HAVE to! Some many people have told me that my reviews are not only better than the show, but also means people can spend ten minutes reading my review and then not bother having to watch the show! I am literally saving peoples lives! (well about 35 minutes) and those people are able to do other things! So to them I say "You're welcome"

Anywho onto the official blurb for Episode 4

Thursday 25th June, 10pm
S2E4/10. Fort Paull Part 1
Really’s terrifying series continues as Yvette Fielding and the team travel to Fort Paull in Kingston-Upon-Hull, a historical site which dates back to before the English Civil War.

Paranormal activity has been said to wreak havoc at the fort and many visitors describe being faced with a sinister black mass emerging in the dark tunnels, that blocks them from exiting. Most frighteningly, people allege to have been grabbed by unseen hands in the darkness.

As the team split up to investigate one group heads to the train carriage where they experience something like never before, just what is making the temperature change so drastically? Meanwhile, something makes Yvette shake to her very core and causes her to let out a bloodcurdling scream!

After reading the blurb, I start watching, and in that annoying first 30 seconds of the show, I heard that Bloodcurdling scream! I can only imagine that Yvette finally gave in and agreed to give Karl felatio, and that is her reaction after seeing his withered old penis for the first time in 20 years. Hopefully we will be spared such a view.

Actual photo of Karl Beattie. Honestly!*

Anyway the show is now underway and Yvette is giving us the usual boring history lesson, and mentions Elvis Presley once sat in a train carriage she is in! Please god I hope they dont speak to Elvis!

We are introduced too Jenny Bryant a "Paranormal Investigator" (bored middle aged housewife) from GCUK, if you have never heard of GCUK and why would you, they are a silly little company that do ghost hunts and charge gullible idiotic people to sit in the dark and pretend they are Yvette Fielding etc. And yes the Most Haunted crew including Yvette often goes on their investigations. Please never waste a penny on them, they really have no clue what they are doing.

Jenny is the one on the left.... I think.

Jenny tells us of all these amazing experiences with ghosts that her and her team have had, and of course there is no video evidence or proof. Having her appear was purely as a way to give her group a free plug.

Yvette then interviews Smirking Glen Hunt, who starts off with his "Skeptical" opinion, while smirking hard, he likes to smirk, sometimes he smirks 4 or 5 times a day, he is a legendary smirker, he really does like a good long hard smirk, usually in the dark with the door locked shut. I heard a rumour he once got disturbed while smirking, and he twisted a testicle!

Having a quick smirk

Fred Batt is once again part of things, since he is paying for it all. Reckons he can feel the demonic presence of the ghosty whosties. And he is gonna summon them up later on! Lucky us!

We also have Eammon and his EVP machine, no sign of Ruth which is a shame.
Eammon has about as much credibility as Karl's claims of being a Samurai!

No sign of Leah in this episode yet, I did mention that she looked totally disinterested in Episode 3, so maybe she did the smart thing and quit while she was ahead. Such a shame as I was quite looking forward to the weekly instalment of "Coatwatch"

Such an attractive crew

The investigation is now fully underway. And not a lot happening other than people calling out to the ghosties, Stuart actually says "This could be the calm before the storm".

Half way through the show and Stuart seems to be suspiciously well behaved, I can only assume it's cause he in a team with Glen Hunt, or he is building up to a big stunt, I hope he is as so far this episode has bored me solid!

For the next 8 minutes of the episode, absolutely nothing happens, the just wander about! Really! This was the absolute best use of footage they could find! Just imagine the countless hours of crap they filmed if this was the best they could come up with.

Yvette shouts her classic line of "Can you make a noise with your voice please!" Always makes me chuckle, Imagine the ghost was just about to make a noise with his arse and drop a spirit fart, and then Yvette says that and he now has to hold it in!

35 Minutes into the episode and absolutely nothing of note has happened. Seriously, nothing at all.
Please tell me they haven't done one of those "nothing happens which proves when it does its not us faking" type episodes.

Ok to be fair, Glen has a thermometer laser thingy, and the temperature of a window is going down. Of course no control measurements have been done, they have not told us of the ambient temperatures outside, the time of year, the time of the evening and so on. Not to mention use a second machine to confirm the results of this machine, what if that machine is simply faulty! Afterall you cant see the breath of anyone in the crew. Karl is wearing a light jumper, yet this thermometer is showing the temperature has dropped about 7 degrees to 0 degrees Celcius. This kind of ineptitude and ignorance of how to conduct an investigation is what pisses so many people off.

Yvette on narration even states that every scientist knows that a drop of more than 2 degrees Celsius in a short period of time is significant, yet they don't use any scientific methology in what they do, which means any results they get, even if genuine are instantly useless!

As we get to the end of the episode, Karl and Yvette break off together and go to investigate a room, it is at this point that Yvette sees Karl's withered penis and runs off screaming whereby she hurts her knee and arm by running into something, she breaks down in tears and tells Karl to turn off the camera.

We get some brief highlights of all the things that have just been boring us, wow, this was a poor episode, and even Yvette hurting herself after seeing a horror that hopefully few ever have to see, could save this episode. And since this is a two parter, I am guessing Leah wont be in part 2 either. So that is another reason not to watch.

One of the worst episodes ever. When the highlight of an episode is Yvette hurting herself after seeing a withered unused penis, you know the show is gonna struggle in the ratings.

Really folks that's it, I am signing off now, and seriously considering my priorities in life.

By Jon Donnis


*Not really Karl Beattie

EXCLUSIVE REVIEW: Most Haunted S02E03 (Annison Funeral Parlour) The one where I rolled my eyes at Karl's acting

Guess who's back, back again Jonny's back, tell a friend.
Yes it's me, it's me, its that J O double N, back once again to review and recap another episode of Most Haunted. This week Scooby and the gang are at the Annison Funeral Parlour. Below is the official blurb for the episode

Thursday 18th June, 10pm
S02E03. Annison Funeral Parlour
Really’s spooky series continues, as for the first time ever, Yvette Fielding and the team visit a funeral parlour and one which is apparently the most haunted place in Hull.
The building is empty now, but not quiet according to visitors, as people have reportedly heard whistling, knocking, and heavy booted footsteps. Yvette has an idea that the team aren’t necessarily going to like… one person must lie on the mortuary slab alone to see what happens – but who will pick the short straw and have to lay lifeless without the rest of the team?


We start off the episode and straight off we get this legend!

Yes he is a local historian, he just ouzes the kind of charisma that you just cant buy! Look at that neckbeard! Imagine the lucky woman who gets to snap up this fascinating man!

Anyway as usual we get our usual history lesson, and Glen "Mike" Hunt, the resident wannabe is on hand to smirk his way through every scene, I wonder if Karl directs him to smirk, or if it is all him.
He does do his best to be skeptical the poor guy, but after him blatantly doing the "ghost whistle" in the last episode, it is hard to take him seriously.

Surely his agent told him that to appear on Most Haunted would be the first step in becoming a proper TV star, and young naive Glen believed him.

Quick reminder that the legendary Mel Crump is no longer on Most Haunted, and is replaced by Leah Walton, again we support Leah, as she is clearly the only genuine member of the whole crew, and probably didn't even want to be on the show, but got shoe horned into appearing by Yvette who was desperate to get rid of the glamourous Mel Crump and needed a replacement she could push around.

Mr Deep Pockets or Fred Batt as some will know him is about again, throwing his money about in the hope he might get recognised one day in the street.

Since they are in a funeral home, I have a feeling we will see Karl or Stuart or both shoved in a coffin for a "vidgual" oh boy that will be so much fun, you can only hope a grave digger is near by and "accidentally" gets the coffins and buries them.

And no quicker than me finishing the previous sentence, and Eammon (no not that one) is invited to lie in a coffin, and they even close the lid on him, what would Ruth think of all of this sillyness!!

Is this not entertaining?

Poor Eammon, literally will do anything to get an extra 30 seconds TV time, even if it is in a coffin, they turn the lights off and leave him in the coffin. They really need to nail it shut, and maybe then we'd never have to listen to him drone on about EVPs the uneducated ignorant fool that he is!

With a bit of standing about, they finally go to rescue Eammon from his coffin, but when they open it, he is mysteriously gone, and all that is left is a rattlesnake!! Only kidding, he is still in the coffin with a big grin on his face.

Finally the filters are put on the cameras to pretend it is night vision, and the investigation starts proper.

Karl is looking quite hefty for a fake Samurai. Glen is stuck with Karl and Stuart now, hands in his pockets and a constant smirk on his face.

Yvette is with Leah and some other bloke who looks ridiculous.

The lads are doing some kind of ridiculous table nonsense, asking for knocks from the ghosties, gotta be careful here that Karl and Stuart don't both tap their feet, to make the knocking sounds, need only one otherwise it gets confusing.

Yvette is with Eammon in the "hub", and they are examining the EVP machine. Did I mention that EVPs are evidentially worthless, and to even waste one second listening to them proves you have no idea what you are doing?

I think Leah is starting to get bored of it all now, and is dreaming of going on her summer holiday to Majorca or somewhere. In Coatwatch, Leah is sporting a nice simple coat, without fur.

It is now Ouija time! Just a note, in 12+ years of doing Ouija Boards on Most Haunted, it has never produced a single credible result, and any time that they put in cheating controls it has showed clearly that Yvette pushes the glass. So of course NO controls whatsoever are used

Aaaahhhh look at Glen and his little smirky face, wishing he could say out loud what we all know.

Yvette and Karl are so blatantly taking turns in pushing the glass, they don't even bother trying to hide it any more. Come on Glen, suggest that everyone is blindfolded, and it will stop working and you will have proven that they are faking it.

The entire Ouija scene is quite mind numbingly boring. At least when Stuart used to take part he would do some proper fakery, like picking up the glass and throwing it, and hoping it wasn't caught on camera, but when it was, he tried to make out he was possessed! Oh the good old days.

Worth saying that my DVD keeps skipping and jumping, it MUST be the ghosts! They have travelled through time and space to my DVD player! This is 100% proof of the paranormal, and therefore I am closing down the site! Oh wait its playing fine now. Site will remain open!

The 3 stooges, Yvette, Karl and Stuart are now off on there own, and something nasty is on its way! No Yvette hasn't farted again, its the spirits! Karl proudly states "I'm not psychic as you know but..." they then start talking about a murderer called Frederick. Karl decides to stand in the coffin, please lie down Karl, and please lets close the lid.

Yay! Karl is never one to miss a trick.

And now Stuart is gonna put the lid on as Karl tells Frederick to do his worse!

All starts to get a bit silly now as Karl panics and jumps out of the coffin claiming he heard a voice say "OUT". Terrible acting.

Karls fake Samurai training has totally deserted him tonight. Glen and Leah join them, and Glen is smirking.

Fred is off on his own to spend some time in the embalming  room. Karl and Stuart are off together, and ask the spirits to make some noises. They hear a knock. Whereas Fred on his own is speaking in Latin to the ghosts, who duly ignore him, right until Fred makes a noise followed by saying "what was that" when obviously HE made the noise, As usual the camera never gets anything other than the persons face who is holding it, or a blank wall.

Stuart asks the ghosts to give Karl a slap round the face, sadly and disappointingly the ghost doesn't take up the challenge.

Stuart is out of breath after having a crafty wank off camera, and has to have a puff on his inhaler. Soon after they hear a noise upstairs and rush to see what is going on. And despite there being a sold camera filming, it has caught nothing, Stuart is still knackered after his crafty wank, and now Karl is feeling knackered as well. So they head off to join the others.

But then we get some footage of a chair moving on its own! BLATANTLY being pulled by some fishing wire, seriously no one will think it is real, I genuinely coughed a bit of spit up it is so awful.

Eammon is still listening to EVPs, all very silly and pointless. I imagine noobs and woos the world over loving the EVP sillyness.

Leah has had a very very quiet episode, clearly she cant be bothered any more, either that or Yvette realised that she would probably get popular, so decided to cut out any good bits featuring Leah.

And that's it, the episode is over.

Things to look out for are the ridiculous chair pulling scene, and Karl jumping out of the coffin. Other than that its about 45 minutes of snore time.

That's all from me, and until next time sleep tight and don't let the spiders climb in your ears!

By Jon Donnis