Guess who's back, back again Jonny's back, tell a friend.
Yes it's me, it's me, its that J O double N, back once again to review and recap another episode of Most Haunted. This week Scooby and the gang are at the Annison Funeral Parlour. Below is the official blurb for the episode
Thursday 18th June, 10pm
S02E03. Annison Funeral Parlour
Really’s spooky series continues, as for the first time ever, Yvette Fielding and the team visit a funeral parlour and one which is apparently the most haunted place in Hull.
The building is empty now, but not quiet according to visitors, as people have reportedly heard whistling, knocking, and heavy booted footsteps. Yvette has an idea that the team aren’t necessarily going to like… one person must lie on the mortuary slab alone to see what happens – but who will pick the short straw and have to lay lifeless without the rest of the team?
We start off the episode and straight off we get this legend!
Yes he is a local historian, he just ouzes the kind of charisma that you just cant buy! Look at that neckbeard! Imagine the lucky woman who gets to snap up this fascinating man!
Anyway as usual we get our usual history lesson, and Glen "Mike" Hunt, the resident wannabe is on hand to smirk his way through every scene, I wonder if Karl directs him to smirk, or if it is all him.
He does do his best to be skeptical the poor guy, but after him blatantly doing the "ghost whistle" in the last episode, it is hard to take him seriously.
Surely his agent told him that to appear on Most Haunted would be the first step in becoming a proper TV star, and young naive Glen believed him.
Quick reminder that the legendary Mel Crump is no longer on Most Haunted, and is replaced by Leah Walton, again we support Leah, as she is clearly the only genuine member of the whole crew, and probably didn't even want to be on the show, but got shoe horned into appearing by Yvette who was desperate to get rid of the glamourous Mel Crump and needed a replacement she could push around.
Mr Deep Pockets or Fred Batt as some will know him is about again, throwing his money about in the hope he might get recognised one day in the street.
Since they are in a funeral home, I have a feeling we will see Karl or Stuart or both shoved in a coffin for a "vidgual" oh boy that will be so much fun, you can only hope a grave digger is near by and "accidentally" gets the coffins and buries them.
And no quicker than me finishing the previous sentence, and Eammon (no not that one) is invited to lie in a coffin, and they even close the lid on him, what would Ruth think of all of this sillyness!!
Is this not entertaining?
Poor Eammon, literally will do anything to get an extra 30 seconds TV time, even if it is in a coffin, they turn the lights off and leave him in the coffin. They really need to nail it shut, and maybe then we'd never have to listen to him drone on about EVPs the uneducated ignorant fool that he is!
With a bit of standing about, they finally go to rescue Eammon from his coffin, but when they open it, he is mysteriously gone, and all that is left is a rattlesnake!! Only kidding, he is still in the coffin with a big grin on his face.
Finally the filters are put on the cameras to pretend it is night vision, and the investigation starts proper.
Karl is looking quite hefty for a fake Samurai. Glen is stuck with Karl and Stuart now, hands in his pockets and a constant smirk on his face.
Yvette is with Leah and some other bloke who looks ridiculous.
The lads are doing some kind of ridiculous table nonsense, asking for knocks from the ghosties, gotta be careful here that Karl and Stuart don't both tap their feet, to make the knocking sounds, need only one otherwise it gets confusing.
Yvette is with Eammon in the "hub", and they are examining the EVP machine. Did I mention that EVPs are evidentially worthless, and to even waste one second listening to them proves you have no idea what you are doing?
I think Leah is starting to get bored of it all now, and is dreaming of going on her summer holiday to Majorca or somewhere. In Coatwatch, Leah is sporting a nice simple coat, without fur.
It is now Ouija time! Just a note, in 12+ years of doing Ouija Boards on Most Haunted, it has never produced a single credible result, and any time that they put in cheating controls it has showed clearly that Yvette pushes the glass. So of course NO controls whatsoever are used
Aaaahhhh look at Glen and his little smirky face, wishing he could say out loud what we all know.
Yvette and Karl are so blatantly taking turns in pushing the glass, they don't even bother trying to hide it any more. Come on Glen, suggest that everyone is blindfolded, and it will stop working and you will have proven that they are faking it.
The entire Ouija scene is quite mind numbingly boring. At least when Stuart used to take part he would do some proper fakery, like picking up the glass and throwing it, and hoping it wasn't caught on camera, but when it was, he tried to make out he was possessed! Oh the good old days.
Worth saying that my DVD keeps skipping and jumping, it MUST be the ghosts! They have travelled through time and space to my DVD player! This is 100% proof of the paranormal, and therefore I am closing down the site! Oh wait its playing fine now. Site will remain open!
The 3 stooges, Yvette, Karl and Stuart are now off on there own, and something nasty is on its way! No Yvette hasn't farted again, its the spirits! Karl proudly states "I'm not psychic as you know but..." they then start talking about a murderer called Frederick. Karl decides to stand in the coffin, please lie down Karl, and please lets close the lid.
Yay! Karl is never one to miss a trick.
And now Stuart is gonna put the lid on as Karl tells Frederick to do his worse!
All starts to get a bit silly now as Karl panics and jumps out of the coffin claiming he heard a voice say "OUT". Terrible acting.
Karls fake Samurai training has totally deserted him tonight. Glen and Leah join them, and Glen is smirking.
Fred is off on his own to spend some time in the embalming room. Karl and Stuart are off together, and ask the spirits to make some noises. They hear a knock. Whereas Fred on his own is speaking in Latin to the ghosts, who duly ignore him, right until Fred makes a noise followed by saying "what was that" when obviously HE made the noise, As usual the camera never gets anything other than the persons face who is holding it, or a blank wall.
Stuart asks the ghosts to give Karl a slap round the face, sadly and disappointingly the ghost doesn't take up the challenge.
Stuart is out of breath after having a crafty wank off camera, and has to have a puff on his inhaler. Soon after they hear a noise upstairs and rush to see what is going on. And despite there being a sold camera filming, it has caught nothing, Stuart is still knackered after his crafty wank, and now Karl is feeling knackered as well. So they head off to join the others.
But then we get some footage of a chair moving on its own! BLATANTLY being pulled by some fishing wire, seriously no one will think it is real, I genuinely coughed a bit of spit up it is so awful.
Eammon is still listening to EVPs, all very silly and pointless. I imagine noobs and woos the world over loving the EVP sillyness.
Leah has had a very very quiet episode, clearly she cant be bothered any more, either that or Yvette realised that she would probably get popular, so decided to cut out any good bits featuring Leah.
And that's it, the episode is over.
Things to look out for are the ridiculous chair pulling scene, and Karl jumping out of the coffin. Other than that its about 45 minutes of snore time.
That's all from me, and until next time sleep tight and don't let the spiders climb in your ears!
By Jon Donnis
